Closeted Secrets
by Captain Howdy 611
Summary: “And no one is ever going to know your secret as long as you do exactly what I ask” SLASH! Rating has been upgraded
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer - Although I would dearly love to own any of these charecters I simply don't..._

_A/N - Here is the promised first chapter of my next short fic. I'm not sure how long this is gonna turn out. I'm looing for 4/5 chapters tops. So, i hope you enjoy this and just to warn you there is slash in here, as well as suggested sex scenes in later chapters and some other nasty stuff like that... enjoy!_

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**Closeted Secrets**  
  
Kevin had known that Eddy was different ever since they had been kids. While every other boy in the cul-de-sac lusted after Nazz, beautiful, sexy, feminine Nazz, Eddy had not been enchanted by her as much as intimidated by her. Sure he hid it. Well, tried to hide it, but somehow Kevin just knew – takes one to know one as they say.  
  
He rolled over and stretched, careful not to wake his sleeping lover in the process. Who would have thought it? The neighbourhood jock, coolest kid on the cul-de-sac, captain of the football team and teenage heart throb actually turned out to be gay. He looked at Eddy's sleeping form. His chest lightly rose and fell with each breath. Eddy had changed remarkably in the last five years. He had certainly grown taller, though he was still short in posture compared to the other boys in the cul-de-sac, and his weight was now carried a lot better by his more advanced height. His hair fell about his face, shiny locks of honey blonde that were usually gelled immaculately but where now allowed to brush the top of his cheeks as he slept. Kevin glanced at him and smirked before carefully hoisting himself off the circular bed and slipping quietly out of the back door to Eddy's home.  
  
Eddy watched him leave through slightly parted eyes. This was the way that it was every time that Kevin would come to 'visit' him. He would stay the night and then leave first thing in the morning before anyone else woke up - so that no one could see where he had been for the last few hours. Eddy never bothered to try and make him stay and had learned a long time ago that it was a lot easier if he pretended to be fast asleep while Kevin made his quick exit. Eddy didn't know if Kevin knew he was really awake or not, but he was certainly not going to risk asking. He sighed heavily and rose from his bed leaving his sheets to lie in the tangled mess that had been caused the night before. As he stepped into the shower, tiny, cold beads of water were thrust upon his skin cleansing him of the guilt and the memories that haunted him every time that Kevin paid him one of his visitations, and recently he had been visiting a lot more often than usual. Eddy let the refreshing water run over his body as he tried desperately to remember just how he had ever been thrown into this whole situation.  
  
It had been a year ago now. Eddy had known that he was attracted to men since he had been fifteen and was finally beginning to get used to the whole idea. Of course – no one else knew about it. What would they think if they ever found out? Not even his best friends knew. Ed simply wouldn't understand, and Eddy did not think that he would have been able to handle all of the questions that the large boy fired at him in a vague attempt to grasp an understanding, and Double D, well, Eddy just could not risk letting Double D know in fear that his long time best friend would condemn him. He knew that chances were that Double D would not think any differently of his friend, but that was simply a risk he was not prepared to take. Besides, if Eddy let slip that part of his secret who knows what else he might be tempted to reveal...  
  
And that was the way it was, until one day when Kevin rode up to Eddy on his bike shortly after Eddy's sixteenth birthday and motioned for the shorter boy to follow him where they could talk privately. As soon as they reached the confines of Eddy's bedroom and he looked inquisitively to Kevin in search of an explanation his eyes widened in horror. Kevin knew. Eddy could tell just by looking at him, but instead of the torrent of insults that he had expected to flow toward him, Kevin had calmly told him his own little secret. Eddy looked up at him in shock and saw that Kevin's calm and understanding expression had been replaced by a small, yet taunting grin  
"And no one is ever going to know your secret as long as you do exactly what I ask" he concluded.  
  
Eddy reached to shut off the shower faucet and blindly fumbled for a towel. He dried off and tied the towel around him as he headed back to his bedroom feeling a little better than he had before. He looked at the room and noticed the poorly assembled sheets that hung from his bed as he smirked to himself. If only sockhead were here, he'd be horrified if the room had been left in this state. Eddy smiled to himself. As long as his friends were there to stand by him he would be able to survive anything that Kevin put him through. As long as they never found out his secret he would be safe, and as long as he continued to appease Kevin he knew that, for now, his future was secure.

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_And there we have it. Don't worry if the Kevin/Eddy pairing is not to your liking - there is much much more to come. Please R&R, and thank you kindly for all the lovely reviews I had for 'Dead popular'. I wasn't sure wether that story would hit off, but apparantly it didn't turn out too bad Toodles_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer - STILL don't own 'em... damn..._

_A/N - Here be the second chapter. It's quite a lot shorter than I planned, as I was originally gonna have 1 great long chapter, but instead I've split it into two to make it easier to read. Um... so yeah, enjoy _

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Closeted Secrets  
  
Kevin wrapped his arms around himself as the bitter morning air swirled around him making him shiver. He smiled and mentally congratulated himself on yet another job well done. He loved power. Of course, he was Captain of the football team at school, which gave him a great opportunity to test out this power, and the same opportunity was granted from the fact that since he had been young he had been the most popular guy on the block, and in each of these roles he felt strong and to him, that strength was the best feeling in the world. However, none of this could ever amount to the power that he had over Eddy, and none certainly felt this good. Some might have labelled him a megalomaniac, but to Kevin, all he could see was that Eddy was only giving him what was owed. Yes, Eddy owed him endlessly for not having told his little secret to the world.  
  
He knew of course that Eddy would never dare refuse to comply. His easily bruised, yet massively inflated ego prevented that. Kevin knew from past experience that to Eddy, reputation was everything, and in Eddy's mind, if the truth came out then he would be lucky if he came out with any reputation left at all after the damage it would suffer. He couldn't even tell his best friends. This is what Kevin used to his advantage.  
  
Anyone would have thought that he had exactly what he wanted from Eddy. But, recently Eddy had seemed to grow accustomed to his visits and had become tiresome of his games. He no longer held that look of fear and desperation that Kevin so loved to see forced upon his face, and although Kevin had tried almost everything he could think of, there was just no way to install the same look of terror into the boy. He was simply bored. He needed excitement. He needed to see the panicked expression of horror as he closed in on his victims. He needed to bring someone else into the equation. And Kevin knew exactly who he wanted that to be.  
  
Kevin gazed at the house across the street before he turned to unlock the door to his own home and stepped through it, closing it behind him quietly so as not to disturb any remaining family members in the house. He ran up to his room and thrust open the curtains so that he could once again fix his eyes on the small house on the opposite side of the road. There was no car in the driveway – figures, Double D's parents were hardly ever at home. Kevin could barely even remember what they even looked like. He wondered briefly whether they ever did come home, but the sticky notes scattered around the lower floor of Double D's house were enough proof of their existence. A light was shining from a downstairs window. Kevin smirked. Trust Double D to be the only one up this early, probably carrying out chores for 'mommy and daddy'. How could Double D be so wiling to please people he hardly even knew? However – the absence of Double D's parents would certainly prove to be a useful advantage to him.  
  
Kevin had often felt resentment, even jealousy toward Double D, though he would never admit it. He seemed to have the perfect life. The mind of a genius, the attention of more than just a few girls at school and, what Kevin hated most of all, two best friends who always stood by him. Something that Kevin never had. Sure, Rolf had always been a good friend and Nazz was always more than willing to spend time with him, but Rolf was always too busy, and he had all the other boys in the cul-de-sac to compete with for the affections of Nazz. Never had Kevin felt the security of a best friend relationship that was purely based on love.  
  
And once Kevin had put his plan into action, the Eds would find out just how that emptiness feels.  
  
He moved back from the window and lay on the linen sheets that surrounded his bed. Chestnut eyes gazed at the ceiling as parts of his plan began to surface and come together. His red hair had grown out and he had long since abandoned his favourite red cap leaving him with a crown of small auburn spikes. He had grown taller and become much more muscular since he was twelve – the effects of being an avid football player, the evidence of which was shown on his yellow football shirt which he wore continuously. As the final details of his idea were pieced together he smiled broadly.

Eddy would surely never see this coming...

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_And there you have it, Chapter two, hope you enjoyed it, and for anyone thinking that I've gone and fallen into the neverending pit of predictability with using Double D, don't worry, I'll make it original - just you wait & see... But for now, REVIEW! I need to know how well you guys like this coz I might not carry on if it's not that well recieved (I'm such the quitter)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer – Nope, still don't own a thing...  
  
A/N – The third chapter. Um... yeh, here you go... Enjoy!  
_

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**Closeted Secrets  
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"You want me to what?" The only expression that haunted Eddy's face was confusion. He had been curious as to why Kevin would want to speak to him in the middle of the day (They usually kept their distance in public so as not to arouse suspicion) but now he was simply confused.

"I want you to sleep with another man" Kevin calmly repeated.

"But why??" This didn't make any sense to Eddy… Was Kevin giving up on the little 'deal' that they had and allowing him to be free to see anyone he chose? No. Kevin just wouldn't do that. This made no sense.

"I don't know… just call it a fetish of mine I guess" a cruel smile escaped from Kevin's lips as he spoke. Suddenly Eddy realised the true meaning behind his words.

"What? You mean… so you can watch or something?"

"That's about it, yes" Eddy stood completely still, face void of expression. This was beyond anything that Kevin had ever asked him to do before, and he knew by the look of triumph of Kevin's face that he was beaten. It was this, or have the rest of his life tarnished. Nervously he looked back to Kevin

"W-when?" he asked.

"Tonight. After dark. You'll leave your back door open just enough for me to be able to get in. Then, I'll sit back in your closet, relax and enjoy the show. Just make sure he doesn't know I'm there ok?" Eddy was stunned. Tonight? How long had Kevin been planning this for? One question was constantly surfacing in his mind, but he was almost too terrified to ask in fear of what the answer would be.

Kevin laughed. He loved that terrified expression. He noticed Eddy's hands, which had been previously poised on his hips in an act of defiance, had now fallen to his sides lifelessly, and were even beginning to tremble slightly. Now Kevin remembered why he loved this power so much. He just couldn't wait until the next question Eddy was about to ask, for the answer would provoke a most wondrous reaction in the shorter boy. He was sure of it.  
  
"Who?" asked Eddy. The question he dreaded the answer to. He tried to read Kevin's expression to try and figure out what the red head was thinking, but nothing in the world could have prepared him for Kevin's response.  
"Well, since you two are such good friends... I think maybe you should ask Double D... I'm sure he'd be just dying to help you out." Eddy's body froze in horror. He knew Kevin was manipulative – but this? This was out of the question. There was no way that his request would ever be carried out. Ever. Kevin held back a laugh as he gazed at Eddy, chestnut eyes surveying his expression, awaiting his response.  
  
"No." Kevin had expected him to say that, however the boy's defiance still shocked him slightly. No matter. He knew all of the right buttons to press. He would get what he wanted eventually.  
"Think about it Eddy. It's a small sacrifice. We can't have the whole cul-de-sac learning who you really are now can we?" he taunted.  
"I don't care. He's my best friend! And he's not gay! What makes you think that he would even consider going through with it?" shouted Eddy. He was close to tears with rage and fear, though he would never allow this to show in front of Kevin. That is exactly what he wanted. Eddy had to show him that he was stronger.  
"Oh I don't know... Chances are he might enjoy it. Heaven knows the little dork could use some excitement in his life. Besides, I am sure that you can be pretty persuasive. You are stronger than him – if you catch my drift..."  
"What? You mean... You think I would force him into this?" Eddy was shocked. He always knew Kevin was a jerk, and he wasn't even totally surprised when Kevin had made his first ultimatum back when he revealed to Eddy the knowledge of his sexuality, but this... not even Kevin was capable of this... right? Kevin's features twisted into a cruel, pitiless grin and Eddy knew the answer to his own question. Yes. Kevin was capable.  
"So, are we in agreement then?" questioned Kevin, standing over Eddy so that the smaller boy stood intimidated in his shadow.  
"But – I can't! You said no one would ever find out! Especially not Ed or Double D!" pleaded Eddy. He knew that there was no other way out of this now but to throw himself upon Kevin's mercy.  
"Think about it. Either Double D finds out – or, the whole of the cul-de-sac, including both Ed and Double D find out. Seems pretty obvious to me which one you should choose" Kevin suddenly shot his arm out and grabbed Eddy by the neck, hoisting the smaller boy into the air so the two were face to face. "Am I right?" he snarled.  
  
Eddy was torn. How could he betray his best friend? Kevin was right. Double D was not going to prove much of an opponent if he were to try and resist Eddy. True, he had grown stronger and more athletic over the years, but he would still be no contestant for his best friend, who was a lot stockier than he. But, if Double D were to refuse, it would wreck their entire friendship, and that was something that Eddy could not loose. But then again, if he were to disobey Kevin then not only would he be receiving a beating from the larger boy, but he would also face his reputation in tatters. And no matter how Double D found out about his friend's sexuality, there was still a chance that their friendship could come to an abrupt end. Eddy was not too sure as to Double D's thoughts on that sort of thing. Surely, if he did what Kevin asked and then later explained the whole thing to Double D then his friend would have to understand... right... that is what friends are for after all.  
  
"Ok." Eddy reluctantly gave in to Kevin who dropped him to the ground once more with a small smile.  
"You won't disappoint me I trust"  
"No. I'll do as you ask. Be in here at nine thirty. No later." Eddy could not believe these words were coming out of his own mouth. He knew this was wrong, but then, what other choice did he have. Double D was sure to forgive him eventually... Hopefully...  
"Good. I'll be waiting. And you had better not be messing me around here Eddy, because you know what I'll do to you – and your precious friends – if ever I find out that you are deceiving me" snarled Kevin before turning on his heels and silently slipping out of the room.  
  
Eddy slumped to the floor. What on earth was he going to do now?  
  
Kevin laughed to himself as he walked toward his home. Oh yes. Everything was going perfectly. Soon, the Eds would know first hand how cold true loneliness feels.

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_So what do you think? I must admit I was sceptical about this story – and still kinda am... but still, I hope you liked that, and as always please R&R. Oh and thank you for all the lovely reviews I've received already (Martin – dominatrix fixation eh? finds whip lol). Chapter 4 will be up shortly. Oh - and if any1 thinks the rating needs to be set higher please tell me... I'm new to this and am not too sure... thanks in advance_


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer – To my knowledge I still own nowt...  
  
A/N - Chapter Four! A little later than expected as the site was down yesterday, but still... Hope you enjoy!_

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**Closeted Secrets**  
  
Nine thirty five. Eddy looked in horror at his wristwatch as he realised that it was already time for him to put Kevin's plan into action. How had the afternoon gone by so quickly? Eddy decided to wait a little longer, let Kevin have a chance to settle, and let himself have a chance to calm his nerves. He was sitting in his kitchen, his father's bottle of whiskey in his shaking hands. He wasn't usually a drinker, he had gotten himself hopelessly drunk once when he was younger and had spent the rest of the week in bed with a thumping headache. It had been enough to put him off the stuff for life. But he needed it now – Dutch courage.  
  
How had he ever agreed to do this? As the afternoon had worn on, Eddy became more and more doubtful that, if Double D were to refuse him, then he would be eventually forgiven. His blue eyes closed as he tried to loose himself in the darkness, hoping that if he just stayed here long enough shutting out the rest of the world then he would re-open them and find this whole nightmare was over. Of course, he knew it wouldn't be. He wasn't that lucky. His eyes reluctantly fluttered open and rested once again on the watch strapped to his arm. Nine forty three. He took one more swig from the bottle, which was now half empty, and shuddered at the bitter aftertaste it left in his mouth. Now was the time. Kevin would be waiting.  
  
He made his way slowly, reluctantly across the road that he had lived on since childhood. Funny, the street had never seemed this wide before. Eventually he stood facing Double D's house, staring at the front door that stood at the end of the driveway. Suddenly, the enormity of the situation hit him. This was irrational. There was no way that a true friend would ever allow this to happen. Kevin's words floated through his mind  
"You know what I'll do to you – and your precious friends – if ever I find out that you are deceiving me" would a true friend let his two best friends take the punishment for his own cowardice?  
  
He made up his mind. This was the lesser of two evils and Double D would eventually be grateful that he had protected him from the wrath of Kevin's fists.  
  
He hoped.  
  
Shakily he reached out and pressed the doorbell. He heard footsteps inside, descending the stairs toward the door. He could just run now. Run back to his bedroom, thrust Kevin out of hiding and blindly refuse to be any part of this illicit affair.  
  
Too late.  
  
Double D stood in front of him smiling warmly  
"Hello Eddy." He greeted before furrowing his eyebrows "Are you all right." Eddy mentally shook himself out of his trance  
"um, yeah, I'm fine" he managed to answer and faked a smile that was painfully forced, but still managed to satisfy his friend  
"Good. So, what's up?"  
"I... um... wondered if you wanted to come round to mine" Eddy stammered. Double D's smile returned.  
"Yeah, ok. I've nothing better to do here. My parents won't be back until tomorrow so I could probably do with the company. Just give me a minute to get dressed ok? Make yourself at home" Eddy nodded in agreement before Double D ran back up the stairs. He hadn't noticed earlier that when Double D had stood at the door he was wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. He must have just come from the shower. How could Double D be so trusting as to answer the door and speak to him wearing little to nothing? To give him free access to his home and act as though nothing was amiss when the person he greeted as he had opened the door, the person standing on his doorstep, his own best friend, was a true monster.  
  
Eddy's eyes rested on the liquor cabinet in the far corner of the room. Surely a little more couldn't hurt. He deftly opened the glass doors of the small cupboard and lifted out a bottle of port. As he took a long drink from the bottle he noted that the other bottles lining the cabinet were almost empty, and that there sure were a lot of them. He had never realised Double D's parents were such heavy drinkers. Of course, Double D himself would not touch drink. Claimed it dulled the brain or something, but that is exactly what Eddy needed at the time.  
  
He had just finished screwing the cap back on the bottle when Double D's voice carried through from his hall way  
"Ok, we ready to go?" Eddy slowly returned to the front door and tried desperately to act normal. Remember, he told himself, it may not seem like it now, but this is the only way to save both myself, Ed and Double D from Kevin's anger.  
"Sure" he replied as he stepped out of the house and led the way back across the street with Double D following closely behind.  
  
God how he wanted a way out of this, but now there was no turning back. Kevin was waiting. He gave a heavy sigh as he stepped into his room, smiled weakly at Double D who was now sitting on his bed, and slowly closed the door.

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_And that's just about where I'm going to leave it for today... ha! Ever the tease! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and once again thank you for all of the lovely reviews. Each and every one has been just wonderful. (ZephyrSamba - Yes, that episode was basically the foundations for the story. I think if it wasn't for Kevin's charecter in that episode, the Kevin in my story would have seemed completely unbelievable, but as it is mine is just an older and creuler version ) Oh, and thank you for any rating advice too. When I post chapter 5 in a day or so I'll be raising the rating to R. Toodles for now runs off to watch Edward Scissorhands yet again_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer – I still don't own these guys... shame...  
  
A/N – The long awaited 5th chapter. As you've no doubt noticed the rating had changed to 'R'. Um... I guess my plans for a short 4-5 chapter story have kinda been thrown out of the window here – I guess it's looking to be about 9-10 chapters before it's finished.... Ah well...  
  
Dedication – I think I'd like to dedicate this chapter to **GhostHelwig** as a thank you for faithfully reviewing each and everyone of my posts. Reading your reviews never fails to bring a smile to my face, so I hope you enjoy_

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**Closeted Secrets**  
  
Double D sat in Eddy's room, perched gracefully on the edge of the lavish circular bed, and watched Eddy as he turned back to face him. He couldn't quite figure out why, but something was very wrong tonight. Eddy was not his usual relaxed self and there seemed to be an unease in the atmosphere that, for whatever reason, sent chills down the slight boy's spine.  
  
Eddy cringed as Double D shot him a weak smile. He knew that Double D could sense his tension – they had known each other for too long to be able to mask their emotions successfully from each other. In fact, Eddy was astounded that Double D had not yet been able to figure out the mystery of Eddy's sexuality for himself. It was too late for that now though. Double D would just have to have the truth shown to him.  
  
He walked cautiously toward his bed, making sure not to break the eye contact he held with his best friend to look toward his closet door. He needed no reminders of the fact that Kevin was there, watching and waiting. He nervously sat down, trembling, next to the concerned Double D. Eddy had never been so completely scared in his life than he was now, and to think that the person causing this fear was none other than Double D! The boy who had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. His confidante. His soul mate.  
  
His secret love.  
  
It had been the only part of his secret that he had been able to keep from Kevin, who had never wondered how Eddy had known that he was attracted to men. But Eddy knew, each and every time that he was around his friend. Looking back, he could never pinpoint an exact time when he realised that he was attracted to the taller boy. He guessed it must have been a gradual thing – something that had slowly built up inside him throughout the years the two had spent together. Sure, he loved Ed too – he would always stick by his large and playful companion, but the connection that he held with Double D was that much stronger, and so very different. He would have given anything to let Double D know this part of his secret without his egotistical instincts and fear standing in the way, and finally it seemed as though he had been given that chance, though he would have done anything to dull the guilt smothering him in this situation. The alcohol just wasn't doing its job. Maybe, if Eddy had told Double D all of this a lot sooner then none of this would have happened.  
  
A long silence passed between them, lasting only seconds, but to both of the boys, seeming hours. Finally, Double D spoke  
"Eddy – Is there something wrong?" Eddy could feel his friend's concerned glance falling over him, studying his every move. He glanced up to look deeply into Double D's brilliant emerald eyes – so beautiful, so soulful – Eddy usually loved Double D's eyes, they were his most stunning feature, but now, now he could hardly bear to hold his gaze.  
"I need to tell you something..." he began, swallowing the lump building in his throat, "something I've been wanting to tell you for the longest time..." he trailed off, gathering his confidence in an attempt to deliver the next line.  
"Go on..." Double D encouraged his troubled friend, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder  
"I'm..." He started before taking a deep breath, "I'm gay Double D..."  
  
That was it. His secret was out. Eddy was too scared to look at his friend. He couldn't bear the expression on his face if he were to condemn him.  
"I know." Eddy's eyes flew wide open as he quickly turned to face the boy beside him  
"You what?" he asked, still in shock after Double D's sudden revelation.  
"I know that you're gay Eddy. I've known for ages."  
"Who... who told you?" The shorter boy was close to tears. Had Kevin betrayed him and told Double D?  
"No-one" Double D answered quietly. "No-one needed to. You're my best friend! You think I wouldn't notice something like this? I've known you for too long now not to know exactly what's going on in that head of yours." He broke off, nervous of how Eddy would react to this and gave him a small smile as he gently squeezed his shoulder where his hand still rested.  
"But... I don't understand... you knew? And you never said a thing?" Eddy shook his head in a vein attempt to clear his thoughts so he could better acknowledge his friend's words.  
"Well... yes... I thought it better to carry on as normal and just wait for the day that you felt strong enough to tell me yourself." Anger began to flare through Eddy's body. He knew? Eddy had spent the best part of a year complying to Kevin's every whim in an attempt to hide his secret from someone who already knew!!! No doubt this was one of those 'lessons' that Double D had always been so keen on. He could just hear Sockhead's voice in his mind now "It'll be a good learning experience for you" – a line that Eddy had heard on many an occasion from Double D, and a line that almost always left him enraged. He was about to launch into a full-scale attack when he suddenly realised just what this meant.  
"You knew – and you don't mind?" he asked hesitantly.  
"Of course I don't! As I said – you're my best friend! There is nothing that could change that." Eddy's heart skipped a beat. Firstly guilt rushed over him as he remembered that he was about to commit the biggest test of their friendship that they had ever endured, but then the release of the weight that had been pressing down on his shoulders for years had finally been lifted. Tears of mixed emotions fell from his eyes and ran smoothly over his cheeks as he reached up to grasp his friend's pale hand that lay on his shoulder  
"You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that" he exclaimed as Double D smiled widely – touched by Eddy's rare display of sentimentality. He lifted his free hand off the bed and held eddy's chin, turning his face so that he could study the expression on his face that was now clouded with emotion.  
"Eddy. I want you to remember that I will always be here for you and I am always going to love you – no matter what skeletons you have hiding in your closet." Eddy visibly cringed at the irony of Double D's words. He had all but forgotten the fact that Kevin was hiding there on the other side of the room, waiting for the show to begin, and he wanted no reminders of that. He glanced briefly to the closet standing opposite where they sat and could practically feel Kevin's eyes bearing down on him expectantly, impatiently, through the thin gap where Eddy had left the door ajar ready for his arrival. Tearing his gaze away Eddy finally looked back to his friend's pale form.  
  
Personality-wise, Double D had changed very little over the years. He was still obsessed with being clean – almost as much as Eddy was still obsessed with cash – and was still the sweet, polite, sensitive and moralistic person he had been as a child. However, eddy had noticed that the tiny sarcastic streak that he had so desperately tried to conceal when he was younger had only grown stronger, and both Ed and Eddy often found themselves on the receiving end of his acerbic glances and razor-sharp wit. Physically Double D had remained pretty much the same. He was still taller than many of the boys in the cul-de-sac (except for Ed and Rolf, who both held several inches on him) but had an extremely lean form that gave onlookers an impression of fragility and delicacy. His skin was still pale, and looked somewhat out of place with the sleek ebony hair that fell around his face and cascaded over his slender shoulders. And his eyes... God, how Eddy loved his eyes.  
  
Both boys could feel the tension in the air around them. They watched each other intently, emerald upon sapphire, as the gap between them closed and Eddy softly pressed his lips to Double D's. They remained, frozen in their shared daydream, for several seconds – just enjoying the sweet warmth of the kiss – before slowly parting and gazing intently at each other once more. The expression haunting Double D's eyes was unreadable, but as a small smile crept slowly onto the pale boy's face – along with the innocent blush that already graced his cheeks – Eddy breathed a sigh of relief. Double D's arm snaked around Eddy's shoulders as he enveloped his friend into a large hug. The shorter boy returned the embrace, placing his hand behind Double D's neck and lovingly stroking the beautiful black mane that escaped from under his ever present 'sock hat'. He was in heaven. All of the feeling of pain and loneliness and desperation flooded from him as he sat in his friend's arms, eyes closed, just suspended in his own fairy tale.  
  
Until he re-opened his eyes, which rested on the closet door, and all those feelings came rushing back as he came crashing back down to reality and his dream world fell around him, shattering menacingly as it hit the floor. This was not going to last forever. Kevin would be getting impatient and Eddy knew that he would have to move this along pretty swiftly if he were to gain Kevin's approval. 'Please' he thought to himself 'please don't let him try and resist. If I have to force him into anything then... Well... I'm guessing we won't be sharing any more cherished moments like this any time soon...

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_And there we have it! Chapter 5! Yaaaay! So, I hope you enjoyed that, and as always please R&R. Your reviews have all been most generous so far, and have given me a lot of inspiration, so keep 'em coming! Toodles!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer - Ok, I still own nowt... quit rubbing it in..._

_A/N - Um... not really too much to say except I hope you enjoy!_

_Dedication - This chapter is dedicated to my luuuurvely boyfriend, martin, as a thanks for taking on the somewhat unfruitful challenge of trying to convince me that this stuff is worth posting... lol... and for just being generally lovelly, so this is for you hunni - (I know how much u love the slashy action...) _

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**Closeted Secrets**  
  
He knew that Kevin was watching – waiting – for Eddy to provide his twisted idea of this evening's entertainment, and he also knew that with each minute that passed he would be growing more and more intolerant. This was it. Time to either make or break his relationship with his best friend. 'Please don't let him resist' that thought echoed repeatedly through Eddy's mind like a mantra.  
  
Slowly, unwillingly tearing himself away from his friend's embrace, he took a deep breath and once again moved in to press his lips to Double D's. This time a little deeper, as he moved his hand from Double D's neck to the back of his head, pulling off the hat and releasing a cascade of lustrous ebony that fell even further down the boy's back, almost to his waist. Eddy had never realised just how much Double D's hair had grown over the years and had always assumed that the mane that gathered around the boy's shoulders was at it's full length. Apparently there were a lot of things he didn't know about his friend.  
  
Double D pulled away from him, obviously jarred by the unexpected action, but the hand that Eddy had entwined in his hair made it easy for the shorter boy to draw him back into the kiss, which was growing more and more hungered by the second. Eddy was in Heaven. He knew this was wrong, but he still felt so grateful for the chance to be this close to the boy he had secretly loved for so long. It was almost unreal. For too long had he craved the touch of his skin, or the feel what it was like to run his fingers though his hair. And such a mixture of emotion. He wanted more, he needed more.  
  
Eddy's free hand travelled the length of the longhaired boy's chest before finally reaching to pull the red shirt off his body. A wave of panic flooded through Double D. This is not what he wanted. He suddenly felt inescapably trapped and exposed. Exposed by the removal of his hat, an everlasting connection and sign to the happiness of his childhood, which released the sea of black hair that he so inexplicably hated, and trapped by the hand that was twisted into it, preventing him from moving away. He lifted his hands to Eddy's shoulders and tried desperately to pry himself from his friend, whose grip was only tightening as he felt the pressure Double D applied. He felt another pull on his shirt, and was able to break free as Eddy broke the kiss to thrust the shirt over the taller boy's head, leaving his chest uncovered.  
  
Flinging the red top to the floor behind him Eddy once again leaned in to continue, but was stopped as he felt the bed rise, relieved of the weight as Double D stood and walked around Eddy in an attempt to retrieve his lost clothing. Eddy watched his friend quizzically  
"Where are you going?" Terror raced through Eddy's mind. This is what he'd been afraid of all along. He had felt Double D grab his shoulders earlier and feared that it could all be over, and so he had just hung on, desperate for that one last moment of happiness before everything came crashing down.  
"I'm sorry Eddy. But this isn't who I am... We both know that..." Double D apologised sadly. He knew that he would come to regret that first kiss. Eddy had always been someone who could never stop once he'd had a taste of something he liked, and Double D had known all along that it was the wrong thing to do. Why build his friend's hopes up? But he had been longing for that simple contact so much. He guessed it must have been the loneliness that came with living in that big house alone most nights. Is this what he had been reduced to just to gain companionship?  
"Look, I know you've been drinking. I can smell it all over you. And I know all too well the effects that alcohol can have over a person's perception and sense of reality, so I would suggest that maybe I should go home, leave you to gather your thoughts and we can talk about this in the morning... ok?"  
  
Eddy watched as Double D's gaze fell to the floor. Another surge of emotion flooded over him. Guilt that he had betrayed Double D's trust, fear that he would not be forgiven, anger that Double D had pulled away from him when, for the fist time in years, he had been so close to him, and finally, as his gaze drifted back to the shadows of the closet, urgency. He couldn't let him walk away now. This would not satisfy Kevin. He could risk, not only loosing Double D, but also loosing the rest of his friends – not to mention his reputation – if he let him leave.  
  
Double D bent to retrieve the shirt that had been so carelessly tossed to the ground, but before he could reach it he felt Eddy's hands roughly grab his shoulders, spinning him round and pushing him back to the bed  
"Eddy! What are you..." Double D never finished his sentence as Eddy's lips fell on top of his, once again capturing them eagerly. He could not understand it – he expected Eddy to have been a little upset at his refusal, angered even. But this? He had never anticipated that Eddy would react like this. He fought against the shorter boy, but Eddy was far stronger than he was, and certainly carried a lot more weight than the lean boy pinned beneath him.  
  
Eddy's eyes began to flood with tears of guilt, of sadness and of need. He wanted to stop. He wanted so desperately to stop, beg for his friend's forgiveness and abruptly deny Kevin of having any further part of his sinister games, and yet... He couldn't. Fear and cowardice prevented it, as well as his overwhelming need to feel the warmth of his friend's silk skin against his own. He took one last, lingering, look at the spot where Kevin hid, and moved his hands down to undo the button of Double D's loose black jeans.  
  
Horror surged through Double D's body as he made one final attempt to haul Eddy off his body, this time catching the blonde off guard and throwing his form to the bed beside him. He shot to the other side of the room – dangerously close to Kevin's hiding place and stood, trembling as his friend drew himself from his position and advanced toward the pale boy, who now had tears of distress streaming down his cheeks.  
"Please... don't..." he stammered as Eddy reached out to harness him yet again. Too slow. Double D darted toward the door and grasped the handle.  
  
Locked?  
  
Eddy breathed a sigh of relief. He knew locking the door would be a necessary action in case Double D were to try and escape. The longhaired boy pulled desperately on the handle of the door, frantic for release from the room before collapsing to the floor, sobs wreaking through his body as all energy drained from him.  
"Don't be such a coward Double D. You never know, you might enjoy it. Heaven knows that you could use a little excitement in your life" Eddy could hardly believe these words were coming out of his own mouth. There words weren't his. They were Kevin's words. Had this situation, this feeling of authority, turned him into the tyrant that Kevin was? Had he to become twisted by his own power.  
  
He reached out to touch his friend's shoulder in an attempt to comfort the broken boy, but he violently recoiled, racing once again away from Eddy, this time toward the bedside table, knocking over the lava lamp that stood astride it causing it to shatter. Glass flew in every direction and the loud smash that resounded through the room seemed to wake Eddy from his thoughts as he watched in horror as the clear liquid wax that dripped onto the carpet was mixing with deep red as blood poured from a deep gash lining the palm of Double D's hand.  
  
Cautiously, Eddy stepped toward his trembling friend  
"Double D... I'm so sorry... I don't know what came over me..." he trailed off as he delicately reached out to hold his friend's wrist in an attempt to get a closer look at the cut. Double D did not try to resist, and as Eddy's hand wrapped around his pale arm he suddenly felt a little calmer, though still very anxious of Eddy's proximity. Eddy stared at the angry tear in his friend's delicate and pale skin and noticed that his hand was able to wrap around his wrist completely. When had Double D gotten to be so thin? He lifted his eyes to Double D's still exposed chest and froze in horror as he noted the tender bruises and abrasions that graced his body. He knew that he had not caused them... he might have been a little rough, but not this forceful. So who did? Double D lifted his gaze to stare into his friend's eyes and understood perfectly the unasked questions that drifted between them. He dropped his gaze once more to the floor and closed his eyes, not wanting to provide the answers to any of these questions.  
  
Eddy dropped the fragile wrist he held in his hands and blinked teas from his eyes as he saw yet more bruises lining the base of Double D's neck. Four small purple smudges that looked just like fingerprints. They were too small to be the fingerprints of a teenager so it can't have been Kevin or any of the other jerks at school... Memories suddenly flashed across Eddy's mind. Visions of earlier that evening when he had noticed just how many bottles had lined Double D's parent's liquor cabinet. The sadness in his friend's voice as he told him that he knew better than anyone the effects of alcohol. The fact that his parents were hardly ever home, yet somehow had complete control over their son. The pieces of the puzzle were all falling into place to create a most disturbing picture, and the guilt that swamped Eddy's thoughts was agonizing. He wanted to be there for his friend, to comfort him, to tell him how sorry he was, but he knew that this was hardly the time to do it, and he was hardly the person that Double D would want to speak to about something so intimate after this disaster.  
  
Slowly he walked away from Double D and carefully unlocked the door, giving him a free exit from the room, which Double D took no hesitation in using as he darted through the passageway, clutching his shirt to his chest protectively.  
  
Eddy watched him leave. Tears of rage began to boil inside him and he viciously swung round to tear Kevin out of hiding. How could he have let this happen? Double D was his friend – his best friend. And now he had just thrown all of that away. How could he have been so blind not to see how much pain those emerald eyes were trying to hide? Was he so wrapped up in his own life that he didn't even care for anyone else? And worse of all – how could he betray the man he loved for Kevin and their petty rivalry? How could he put his own importance before his friends happiness? God how he hated Kevin. He needed a release, a way to relieve the tension and the anger that was building inside him. Punching Kevin right in the jaw would do just nicely. He prepared himself for the coming onslaught. Ready to shriek and scream at the redhead for putting him through all of this pain. He was going to regret the day her ever messed with Eddy's hot temper. Eddy ground his teeth as he placed his hands on the handle and wildly thrust the door back on its hinges to reveal...  
  
Nothing.  
  
Kevin sat at his own bedroom window and watched Double D run across the street, long black hair billowing behind him as he ran in the wind and the rain toward the far end of the cul-de-sac. He threw his head back and laughed. This was working like a charm... if only he could see the look on eddy's face...

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_And there we have Chapter 6! Hope that wasn't too distressing... the poor little guy... Double D just doesn't have that much luck at the hands of us fanfiction authors does he? As always, thank you for the reviews and please keep them rolling in!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer – I own nothing, as always_

_A/N – Finally! Chapter seven! I am very sorry for the lateness of this update, but being dragged to Wales with my family, along with a severe case of writer's block kinda prevented me from actually sitting down and typing this up, but here it is finally... Don't think there is anything else to say, 'cept hope you enjoy!_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Sarah sat at the kitchen table, idly drawing over a page in her diary. Her sketches and animations had certainly seen a vast improvement since the days when she created crude cartoons of the others in the cul-de-sac, and, although she could never match up to Jimmy's artistic talents, the techniques she had picked up from her flamboyant friend, and from her brother – whose own skills when it came to animation were also enviable – were enough to transform her basic ideas into beautiful pieces of art.

She stopped to admire her latest work. A colourful sketch of herself, Nazz and a very nervous looking Double D that had drawn it's inspiration from a photograph which now lay on the table that Jimmy had taken earlier that week. She smiled as she looked over the piece. Her crush on Double D had never quite faded and she still had a soft spot for the quieter of Ed's boisterous friends. She was interrupted from her thoughts by a soft knocking at the door.

"Ed!" Her shouts echoed through the kitchen. No answer.

"Ed! Are you listening to me? Get the door!" she again screeched. When her efforts were once again proved to be unfruitful she stuck her head round the door to the living room, where she found her large brother slumped over an armchair, fast asleep and snoring loudly, while a poorly produced, black and white movie played across the television screen. Sarah sighed to herself. Ed never changed. He was still the messy and carefree person he had been as a child. The knocking rang through the house again. Deciding that Ed was probably les trouble asleep than he was awake, Sarah stormed in the direction of the front door with a scowl. Boy, would Ed be in trouble when mom and dad found out that he had dozed off, laving her all alone when he was supposed to be watching his temperamental little sister while they were out. Sarah swung open the door, ready to bombard her parents with accusations and condemnations about her supposed babysitter when she was stopped dead in her tracks by the sight in front of her.

"Hey Sarah – sorry for calling so late... uh... is Ed there please?" Sarah stood in shock as Double D faced her from the doorstep. He was soaking wet – obviously due to the storm brewing outside – his clothes, which were already incredibly baggy (Sarah thought that he was beginning to dress more and more like Marie Kanker by the day) hung around him in a sodden and windswept mess. The smudge of black eyeliner that Double D occasionally wore swept across his eyes had run down his cheeks, leaving thin black smears and trails. His eyes themselves were red – almost as if he'd been crying. She lifted her gaze and fought back a back a gasp upon the discovery that his hat was missing and his beautiful long hair, now weathered and tangled, was set free to fall to it's true length. Sarah shook her head, as if to rid her thoughts of the clearly distressed image of the taller boy, and again rested her eyes on him, this time noticing his hands which had fallen to his sides and were slightly trembling – possibly from the cold – and his left hand was covered in blood.

"Double D..." she whispered, in a voice so soft it seemed unable to have come from the fiery and often enraged teenager. "What happened?"

Double D could feel a fresh batch of tears beginning to well up inside him, but he fought them back bravely, not wanting to concern Sarah any more than he already had. Why had he come here? He knew Ed would not be able to help the situation, and there was even a risk that Eddy would follow him to Ed's house – Double D could be so predictable – but at least he knew that his gentle hearted friend would be able to offer some form of comfort to him – something he would not have received if he had returned to his empty house. Besides, he knew it was probably best not to be alone at a time like this, not with only his own distraught thoughts for company.

He forced a weak smile and tried to follow Sarah's gaze, which he realised had rested on his injured hand. He had almost forgotten about that, but was now glad of the distraction that it posed.

"Uh yeah... I fell earlier, cut my hand...it's nothing, really..." he again tried to smile reassuringly, but he could tell that none of this was consoling the younger girl, whose delicate features twisted in a look of concern and shock. Sarah had grown to be quite pretty over the years, with locks of choppy ginger hair that fell to her chest, contrasting stunningly with brilliant blue eyes. Finally her expression of horror fell and she motioned to Double D to follow her inside.

"Ed is asleep in the living room, You can wake him up in a bit, I just want to take a look at that hand first ok?" Sarah held his pale wrist in her hands. Double D shuddered, casting his mind back to how Eddy had done the same mere minutes before, and was about to pull back, when he remembered the temper that threatened to detonate inside the red haired tyrant at any second... he knew better than most the consequences of irritating her, after being on the receiving end on many occasions.

"Are you sure you are ok Double D?" her voice again softened, and this, for whatever reason, was incredibly disconcerting to the boy who was used to her brash and brassy tones, but, not wanting to show his weakness to her, he bit back the sobs that threatened to escape at any moment and hoped that the eyeliner he had applied that morning – for several more reasons than to just act as a fashion statement – would mask his red rimmed eyes and hide his tears from the shorter girl. Though he doubted it would.

He followed her into the kitchen and few comments passed between them as Sarah deftly bandaged the gash on his hand. Double D noticed how professionally she seemed to treat the wound, but guessed that, with having Jimmy as a best friend for all of these years, it was just one of the things that Sarah had to have picked up whilst caring for her accident prone playmate. He cast his eyes to the photo that still lay on the table and smiled. However, the memory of the day that Jimmy had taken the picture flashed though his mind, and now Double D was able to better understand exactly what had happened.

It had been almost a week ago; Jimmy had just received a new camera for his birthday and was trying it out, using the neighbourhood kids as subjects. The Eds had been nearby, trying to sell their latest merchandise – colourfully drawn comic books that Ed had been working on all week – but due to the distraction of the camera they had not had much custom. Eddy, having realised what was keeping the kids from the scam had stormed over to Jimmy and – in true Eddy style – stood firmly in the spotlight as he convinced the fragile boy to photograph him in several overly exaggerated poses... until of course Sarah's short fuse interrupted him, this time pushing Eddy out of shot and dragging the resilient Double D to Jimmy demanding that he take their photo. Nazz had then joined in, trying to convince the taller boy to be photographed, before he finally gave in and let Jimmy take his shot. Double D had glanced in Eddy's direction to see him boiling with jealousy and glaring at the three who were posing for the photo. He had assumed that Eddy had been envious that Double D had stolen the limelight from him, or that Johnny's later comment of how Eddy was very jealous of anyone who got within several feet of Nazz had actually been viable. But now, after the events of tonight, Double D wasn't so sure. Had Eddy been planning tonight all along, even as far back as the day this photo was taken? He had certainly thought the attack through – why else would he have bothered to lock the door to his room, and drunk all of the alcohol he had beforehand, if it hadn't been a premeditated action? Was the reason for Eddy's jealousy that day really because of Nazz, or was it just pent up rage that had finally begun to show through due to his affections for his best friend, that somehow led him to believe that, now, the only way to get close to Double D was to force him. To rape him...

That last thought echoed through his thoughts, and brought the enormity of the situation crashing down. This wasn't one of the petty fights or differences of opinions that Double D would predictably face with Eddy practically everyday. This was serious, and he fearfully doubted that it was the abrupt end of their friendship.

He could not fight back the raw emotions flooding through him for much longer and managed to give Sarah a shaky thanks for her help, before heading out the kitchen. By the time he had reached the living room he had broken into heavy sobs as the day's events slowly caught up on him. He found Ed lying across the armchair, not having moved from his previous position. Double D smiled gently through the tears, he looked so peaceful asleep there, and so, being careful not to wake his slumbering friend, he climbed onto the chair beside him, resting his head on the large boy's chest and closing his eyes, just enjoying the warmth being so close to Ed bought him.

Sarah watched from the doorway. Something was really wrong with Double D – much more than he was letting on. Much, much more. She sighed and turned away from the room, leaving the two boys alone in their state of tranquillity.

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_Ok, so maybe not much really happened in that chapter, and to be brutally honest I really did not want to post this because I was so sure that it sucked... but I hope you enjoyed anyway. Please please keep reviews coming in... specially for this chapter coz I was so worried bout it... and thank you for the reviews I've had so far, they never fail to inspire me._

_Oh – and sitting on a beach in Wales DID have it's upside, as I was able to create a few pages of fan art to go with this chapter, so if you want to check that out I'll put a link to it on my profile... as soon as I find somewhere to put it... go check it out_


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer – I own nothing (sobs)_

_A/N – The eighth chapter – as promised But, before I launch into that, I'd like to respond to a flame I received earlier for this story. Yes – this story is **SLASH**, you were clearly warned that it was slash in the summary. And yes – a lot of the stuff in this fic is very dark – we got rape, blackmail, chid abuse, alcoholism and a hell of a lot more going on here and I'm truly sorry if that offends anyone – but there is also fair warning of it and I don't think I should have to say this but I obviously don't endorse any of the things within here, so I am not about to make any apologies for that on my part. I am pleased to accept constructive criticism – and if you don't like this story then fine – you can say so and I don't mind, but simply drawling that I as a writer must be 'sick' due to that fact that the subject of slash is apparently 'sick' a beneficial review does not make. Guessing from your immature response I would also assume that you are under age for reading this anyway... Some people can be so dense... so yeah... that is my ranting over and done with... Ed is happy once more! Hope you enjoy this chapter_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Eddy's body shook with violent sobs as he slumped to the floor of his bedroom. Hours seemed to have passed since Double D had walked through that, still open, door, even though Eddy knew that it had probably only been minutes. He blinked through his tears and continued to focus on the exact spot where he had last seen his best friend. The door swung fiercely in the strong gale that had picked up as the night had worn on, making it slam against the wall with each gust of wind. Torrents of rain fell from outside, making loud pattering sounds as they hit the windows, sounds that incessantly drove at Eddy's conscious, taunting him and preventing him from being able to shut all evidence of the rest of the world out.

The rage he had been feeling toward Kevin had dulled as the feelings of utter self-loathing and guilt took over. It wasn't Kevin that Eddy was angry at – sure enough, it was Kevin's fault that Eddy was in this situation, it was Kevin's plan that had bought his to this point and it was Kevin who left Eddy rendered helpless to retaliate. But it was not Kevin who made the decision to betray his best friend in the most deplorable way he could think of. It was not Kevin who persisted and got so caught up in seeking his own pleasure, after Double D had so clearly made it obvious that the feelings were not returned. And worse of all – it was not Kevin who failed to notice the pain and the ghastly secrets that Double D had carried everyday

His shoulders fell and trembled, both from the cold that had wrapped around him, suffocating him, and from the fresh cries that wreaked though him. Darkness had fallen around the room, casting leering shadows over the walls that surrounded him, trying to pull him further into the night. He wanted so desperately a release from the guilt and the shame. Just wanted something to numb the pain. He contemplated returning to the kitchen to finish off that bottle of whiskey he had started earlier – but quickly thought against it. Alcohol was partly to blame for what had happened here tonight, and he wanted no more of that loss of self-control.

He stood shakily, and walked over to shut the door that had begun to let in the rain, soaking the carpet around the doorway. He took a deep breath of the bracing cold air swirling around him from outside before finally closing the door and locking the door. He could take no chances that Kevin would decide to descend upon him any minute to gloat upon the devastation he had caused. As he turned back to the room, an old photo frame hanging on the wall behind his bed caught his attention. It contained a photograph of himself along with his two best friends that had been taken several months ago. He stood to the left of the picture, striking one of his best poses and turning toward the camera with a huge grin. Ed – the tallest of the three – stood in the middle, wearing that same old vacant look on his face, and resting one of his arms over Double D's shoulders – half posing for the camera, and half preventing the smaller boy from escaping the shot. Double D himself stood to the right if the photo – a shy smile coupled with a nervous blush playing upon his features. Obviously he was more than just a little camera shy. And there they stood. Three best friends – each with their own unique and very different personalities clearly shown by their expressions in the photo – but all held together with the same special bond.

However, as Eddy gazed at the photo, he noticed that the frame had been knocked, probably due to the impact against the wall as Double D had crashed into the bedside table, so the photo hung at an angle as if to show the effect of that evening on the balance of their friendship – with Double D's half of the photo being lifted as that side appeared to be relieved of his presence, leaving Eddy's side of the frame weighted and hanging down, and ed – as always – remaining caught in the middle. Eddy had let his friends down before when they were kids – in more ways that one - but they weren't children anymore, and this wasn't as simple as letting them take the blame for another failed scam or leaving them to face the onslaught of kids as Eddy make a quick escape. This was sheer betrayal, unforgivable betrayal, and the strongest strain that their love had ever faced. Their friendship hung dangerously in the balance – and it was all Eddy's fault.

He needed a release – a way to escape the emotional pain that seared through his thoughts. He crossed the room to reach his bedside table. The liquid from the broken lava lamp had stopped dripping from where the shards of glass lay and had now formed a pool of pale red on the white floorboards. Eddy deftly lifted one of the shattered pieces of glass with his fingers, turning it over in his hands, admiring it as it reflected the moonlight that streamed through the window. Old habits never truly died – and this particular habit, that had plagued him ever since Kevin had started playing his malicious games, certainly seemed somewhat comforting to him now. He pressed the glass to his wrist. A shiver shot through his body as the cold surface touched his skin. It seemed so simple. Such an easy way of ridding the emotions that weighed so heavily on his mind. The physical pain was so much easer to deal with. He was about the run the edge of the glass over his arm when he was violently shaken from his trance by the sound of the phone.

Deciding to let it ring rather than having to face whoever was on the other end of the line Eddy dropped the glass back to the table and lay on his bed. He figured that he didn't warrant release from the emotions that he so damningly deserved. The proverbial sound of his answering machine message played in the background to his somewhat deaf ears. He didn't even realise that the ringing had stopped until he heard a familiar voice echo through the room.

"Hey Eddy... I know you're there, but there's no need to pick up. I just want to thank you for this evening's entertainment. As you can imagine, I'm absolutely devastated that I missed the main show – but no worries – there will be plenty more to come that will keep me amused. Goodbye for now..." And with that the phone went dead.

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_And there we have it – chapter 8! Apologies for my earlier ranting – but hey... flames suck... Thank you for all of the lovely reviews I have received for my last chapter (I feel a lot better about it now – cheers!), I hope that you will continue to support this fic as it rambles on Toodles for now._


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer – I still own nothing…  
  
A/N – Ok folks, so it's now 6am, I'm sitting here reading all your reviews and coz they are so very nice I've decided to start on my next chapter – ain't I nice to you eh? Lol. So before I give in to temptation and crawl back into bed, here is chapter 9! Enjoy!  
  
Dedication – I'm back with my dedications again folks! This time I'm dedicating a chapter to **ChibiMizu** for her astounding fanart that she has made for this fic on fanart central. Once I have posted this I shall be creating a link to it from my profile page. So this is for you with all my love!_

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**Closeted Secrets**  
  
Eddy was there – right in front of him. He was so close, so very close. Eddy held out a hand and waited for his friend to take it, but in the seconds it took for him to deliberate whether or not to return the gesture, the image of the short blonde began to fade into the distance – swallowed by the shadows that surrounded them both. The look of peace that had previously graced Eddy's features had now been replaced with blind panic, frantic fear, as he tried desperately to reach out to the boy facing him. Fraught wails and screams surrounded the boy as he watched his best friend sink into the darkness. He wanted to help him, yet something held him back, he could not understand exactly what it was that prevented him from reaching out to Eddy, but whatever this force was, it was strong and no matter how much he tried to fight against it, this overwhelming mystery emotion still won over. Eddy let out one final cry before being completely drawn into the blackness. Suddenly, he found he was able to control this feeling that had been haunting him, but now it was too late. Eddy was gone. He allowed his body to fall to the ground, releasing deep sobs that echoed through the world around him.  
  
Double D's eyes flew open as he tried to identify the sound that had woken him. Images of his dream cleared from his vision, and were replaced with Ed's beaming face as the larger boy stood over him shouting "Cock-a-doodle-doo… I am a rooster… Cock-a-doodle-doo!" Double D blinked in an attempt to clear his thoughts enough to be able to understand Ed's random sayings. They confused him at the best of times, but seconds after just waking up was too much for even his brain to handle.  
  
He looked up to his friend again and watched as his expression of joy turned to confused concern as he noticed the tears streaming down Double D's cheeks, which were slightly flushed as a result of the dreams that haunted his sleep.  
"Are you ok Double D?" Double D sat silently, trying to contemplate what to do. Should he tell Ed what was going on? He wasn't even sure whether Ed would understand what he was trying to explain, and even if he did, how could Double D do such a thing? Ed had complete and unreserved trust in his two best friends. He relied on them both and, to him, neither of them could do no wrong. How could Double D take that faith away from him? His gaze drifted to the ground in an attempt to escape the scrutiny he was receiving from his best friend.  
"Yeah – I'm fine Ed… Just a bit tired… you know?" He could feel the tremor in his voice that threatened to give away his distress to the larger boy who stood over him, and desperately hoped that his act of contentment would be adequate in satisfying him. Ed watched as Double D attempted a small smile – eyes still cast to the ground – and draped a heavy arm over the slight boy's shoulders as he finally gave in to the tears he had been so urgently fighting. Double D had always been emotional – ever since he was young – and Ed had always known how easily his flighty companion's resilient airs and graces could be worn down when he was faced with overriding guilt or shame. However, this was new to him. He had never seen Double D look so sad, so tearful, so scared.  
  
He rubbed his hand over Double D's back with a circular motion in an attempt to comfort him as the boy's slender shoulders shook with the resounding sobs that escaped him. This really was unlike anything Ed had ever seen. But what could have caused his friend such pain? Is it something he had done? No, he knew Double D well enough to know that if Ed had been the cause of his distress then Double D would not be here with him. Retreat had always been Double Ds best form of defence, and if Ed had been the problem then he could expect to receive nothing but deathly silence from his pernickety friend. He truly was a master when it came to dishing out guilt. So if it wasn't Ed – who? Kevin? No – Kevin had not been paying much attention to either of the Ed's recently – although Ed had noticed that he would occasionally give what seemed like warning glares in Eddy's direction, but thought nothing of it, as long as Kevin stayed his distance Ed was happy. Sarah? Ed desperately tried to think back to try and remember if he and his friends had upset Sarah recently, but could not think of any such incident. Nazz? Johnny? The Kankers? Ed could not believe anyone in the cul-de-sac had such power over his friend to make him react this way. Maybe he had fallen out with his parents? Ed seriously doubted this though. Double D worked so hard to please his parents; he would not tarnish their feelings for him by means of confrontation. So who?  
  
"Double D…" Ed began in an attempt to prompt his friend to give him an explanation for his tears, but when he received no reply he reached out to take his friend's chin and lift his head so that he could look directly into Double D's emerald eyes.  
"What is wrong?" he asked softly, not wanting to sound too harsh and risk upsetting the boy further. Double D was silent for a while, trying to find the best words to explain the situation to the larger boy without giving too much away, and certainly without revealing that it was Eddy who was behind all of his pain.  
"Ed… If someone you knew did something really bad… I mean really bad… would you forgive them?" Double D stopped suddenly – as if he had only just realised what he had said. Was he really contemplating forgiving Eddy for everything that had happened? No. He couldn't… could he? Could Eddy really be allowed to simply get away with all of the pain, all of the tears, all of the feelings of betrayal he had caused? But why - if he could never forgive him - did Double D still love his best friend?  
  
Ed looked deeply into Double D's eyes – almost as if he expected to be able to find the answers to the questions his friend asked hidden in their depths, amongst the pain and the torment that lay there. Finally, after some thought he hesitantly answered  
"I guess it would depend on what they did" Ed greatly hoped that he had given his friend the correct answer. Things were never easy to understand when it came to Double D, and the intricate speech that he used certainly did Ed no favours as he tried so frantically to follow his trail of thought. Add to that the fact that, despite Double D's apparent predictability, he was incredibly sensitive, and so whenever Ed didn't quite understand what was being asked of him and accidentally gave the wrong response, he often found himself making the situation so much worse. Ed was so much more comfortable with Eddy when he was in a bad mood, because, although the short boy could be very erratic and his moods could change like the winds, eventually everything would all boil down leaving Eddy drowning in his default emotion – anger. Ed could understand anger. He had had to deal with it so many times and so now it was nothing unfamiliar to him. But Double D's quiet reserve on the other hand….

"I can't tell you. At least not yet. But let's just say it was particularly awful" Double D interrupted Ed's thoughts and watched his larger friend, waiting patiently for an answer. Sure, Ed was not particularly bright, and he was often drifting off in his own dream world, but this allowed him to be led by his emotions, unlike Double D himself, whose intellect meant that he was controlled by his head, and so when it came to matters of the heart there was no better place to turn than to his caring best friend.  
"I don't know Double D… I'm sorry…" Ed began apologising, but knew from the look of understanding that graced Double D's features that it was not needed "  
Who was it?" Double D winced at this question. He knew he couldn't lie to his friend, but he still needed to protect him for as long as he could.  
  
"That doesn't really matter right now… I guess I just need some time to think things through. Id better be heading home." It was only at this point that Double D realised that he was no longer in Ed's living room but was instead sat in his bedroom amongst the sheets of Ed's bed, and that the light surrounding them was not from the lamp above their heads, but was daylight that streamed through the window and cast radiance around the room. How long had he been here? He must have fallen asleep while curled up on Ed's lap last night and then, instead of having to wake him, Ed must have carried him downstairs and offered him his own bed. Double D cast his eyes to the floor where he saw a sleeping bag lying close by. The thought of this simple, yet heartfelt gesture was enough to bring tears back to his eyes, but he fought them back to accept one final hug from his best friend before saying his goodbyes and leaving the room. He made a quick detour to Sarah's bedroom – once he had made sure that she was steadily occupied with the colourful show flashing across the television screen in the living room – and rummaged though her draw until finding a pencil of thick black eyeliner, which he gracefully swept around his eyes. He felt guilty about invading her privacy, but this was an emergency. As he was about to leave he spotted one of the elastic bands that Sarah used to tie up her hair and deftly pulled his hair back into a loose ponytail. If he couldn't hide the hair that he so inexplicably loathed, he might as well try to disguise it as well as possible.  
  
Taking one last, lingering look at Ed's home – a place where he felt so loved and safe – he made his way slowly back down the street to his own house, making sure not to cast his glance over Eddy's house as he passed by. He needed no reminders of the events of the night before. He became lost in thought and was startled when he heard a familiar voice call his name. He turned to face the person who had just beckoned him  
"Hey Double D? Are you all right? You look a bit shaken." When the pale boy gave no response aside from to cast his eyes to the ground, the person before him spoke again  
"Tell you what. Why don't we go somewhere private we can talk? You can tell me what is wrong." Double D nodded numbly and followed his companion as he led the way through the cul-de-sac, a satisfied smile playing upon his features.

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_There we have it! Another chapter for the collection… I'm quite impressed I managed to get it done by 8:19 am… wow… Again, I should probably admit to not liking this chapter either, but I guess I'm just paranoid so pls tell me what you think and review! As always – thank you for all of the reviews I have received so far for this fic, and thank you also to the reviews I have received for 'Tourniquet' – which I really was a tad hesitant about writing – and if anyone REALLY has to know who I was writing about in that fic then visit my profile and go to the homepage link and it should all be explained there Toodles for now!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimer I'm getting so bored of writing these every damn time... So once again I do not own... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..._

_A/N As promised, chapter 10. Ah... remember the good old days when I said "I'm looking for 4-5 chapters tops"? And then remember the "I guess it's looking to be more 9-10 chapters" Yes... well... As you might have guessed from that I just write chapters as I think of 'em, and I've done a brief plan of the rest of the chapters, and so now it'll prolly be nearer counts on fingers 27 chapters. Lol... and it'll prolly end up more than that anyway... so be prepared for a long read my friends... walks away muttering – 4 to 5 chapters my ass... I don't think I even know enough words to be able to fill 17 more chapters with... _

_Enjoy! _

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**Closeted Secrets**

Eddy's hand reached out to Double D. He watched his friend's face as he looked at the gesture that had been presented to him - as though he were trying to establish it's validity - and tried to analyse every movement, every slight change in expression to try and determine what his pale friend was going to do. A feeling of immense dread began to build in the bottom of Eddy's stomach. He wasn't sure why he was here, he didn't know why he was suddenly so tense when he looked at Double D, and he didn't know why he was trying to get him to take his hand. But he did know that the feeling of urgency was something that could not be ignored, and so it took all of his fortitude to wait for his friend's reaction.

Eddy never had been very patient.

Tired of his best friend's hesitance, he moved forward and shot his arm out in an attempt to grasp Double D's hand. If Double D could not make the decision, Eddy would have to make it for him. A look of shock worked it's way onto Double D's face before Eddy felt an invisible and unknown force begin to try and tear him away from his friend. Eddy tried to fight it. Tried to grasp onto the taller boy's hand tighter so that he would not be carried away, desperately begged and pleaded for his friend to help him. But Double D did nothing. He did not try and restrain Eddy from falling, and yet neither did he try and pry his friend away from him. He just stood there, a passive being, void of emotion. Eddy screamed as he attempted one last stand of resilience, before he felt himself falling into the darkness that had been drawing him in.

Morning light broke through the clouds and streamed through the window of Eddy's bedroom, illuminating the purple bed sheets that surrounded the blonde as he tried to make sense of the dream that had left it's impression lingering through his thoughts. He blinked and yawned in an attempt to rouse his mind. He clumsily fumbled to hit the button of his alarm clock, which was incessantly ringing, and paused, shocked when his fingers brushed against something wet that lay in a pool on his bedside table. He brought his fingers before his eyes, examining the clear liquid before memories of how the lava lamp, that now lay shattered around him, had been reduced to a lake of wax and glass shards. His gaze drifted to the floor, where the familiar black, striped hat lay strewn. He crawled out of bed and reached out to grasp the object in his hands, turning it over, as if to determine whether it was simply an illusion or the true confirmation of his reality. Suddenly Eddy could not deny the desperate pleas that flooded his mind, pleas to let everything he feared have been just a chimera, a nightmare which, although haunted his own mind, would not withhold anything of substance in the real world. Not with such damning evidence that the guilt and pain was so thoroughly deserved.

Without warning Eddy's fists became tense, balling the hat between his hands and throwing it to the closet standing on the other side of the room. An angry flush began to blossom over his cheeks and the tears that had begun to blur his vision had now been replaced with blind fury. Anger. It was so familiar to Eddy. Whenever he felt weak, or insecure, his immediate reaction was to lash out. Anger came so easily to him and meant that no one could see his real feelings. No one could see the hurt and the guilt behind such a resilient façade.

He hoisted himself from the floor and began pacing the room, stalking angrily from one side to the other with large, threatening strides. This wasn't his fault. No. It was Kevin's fault. All Kevin's fault. It was his stupid idea. His insatiable urge for power that had driven Eddy to this point. His pathetic blackmail that had forced Eddy into it. How he hated Kevin. Bitter, twisted and intense loathing. He stood in front of the closet where Kevin was supposedly hiding the night before and punched the door viciously. The impact caused a chain reaction as the door swung into the wall, sending a slight tremor that was enough to disturb the photo frame, that had already been hanging dangerously at an angle due to recent events, so that it fell from it's perch and plummeted to the ground, the glass shattering upon contact with the floorboards.

Eddy ceased his relentless pacing and walked to pick up the frame. He brushed the tiny shards of broken glass away, not caring about the abrasions that the sharp edges created as he swept his hand over them, and focused on the photograph. When he had gazed at it the night before it had bought him slight comfort, a trivial moment of nostalgia as he thought back to how things used to be. But now, now the portrait of the three boys just reminded him of everything he had lost. He fixed his eyes on Double D. When the photo was taken Eddy had thought that everything in his life was perfect. That Double D had everything. Brains, compassion, friends who cared for him and a family that loved him. How could Eddy have not seen the truth? He too had hidden secrets from his best friend, but somehow Double D was so empathic, so perceptive of his friend, that he already knew. Why wasn't Eddy able to return that? Why had he not seen the pain, the suffering and the distress that Double D was hiding everyday? However, now that the evidence had been so brazenly laid out before him. Now that he could clearly see the image of every bruise, every mark on his friend's body, it all made such perfect sense. How had he been so blind?

The anger rushing around his body had subsided now. Only to be replaced with yet more sorrow and guilt. Anger had been able to carry him through his problems in the past, but this was bigger, more intense than anything he had ever felt before, and the familiar feelings of rage were no longer enough to withstand the overwhelming guilt. Eddy knew that he needed to apologise to him, though he neither knew how to say it nor what he should apologise for first. The betrayal, his actions last night, his neglect as a friend. Sweeping the last tears from his eyes he bent to retrieve the hat that he had thrown to the floor and stepped out of the room, letting the cold morning air embrace him. He would not head right over to Double D's house. He did not want to risk saying anything he might regret whilst still suffering the aftershock of the anger that had flooded him, and so he instead made his way slowly to Ed's home. He knew there was a slight chance that Double D would have returned there last night, but doubted that he would have stayed until morning. Ed's bedroom was anything but sanitary to anyone, and to the neurosis – prone Double D the place was practically a phobia.

He walked out of his back garden just in time to see two silhouettes at Kevin's window, but thought nothing of it. He had more pressing things on his mind than Kevin, but before he could tackle his problems he needed a chance to calm down, an opportunity to receive a little encouragement from his larger friend. He needed the support.

This was the most difficult thing he had ever had to face in his life.

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_Wheee! Chapter 10! Short and sweet, but still, I hope you liked – and if you did please review!!! Chapter 11 will be up soon and, as always, thank you for all your lovely reviews both for this story and 'The winner takes it all'. Till next time mateys!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer  I really am bored of writing this now..._

_A/N Howdy! Yes... I know... my updating has grown steadily worse recently – but hey... better late than never eh? So yep, here is the eleventh 11th chapter... If only for the sake of that poor squirrel outside of Kien-Tai's window... Enjoy_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Kevin watched Eddy leave his house from the window of his bedroom, before turning to face the boy sitting on his bed. In a way he did not want Eddy to abscond, just in case he would not be able to track him down later in the day, but he had a pretty vague idea of where he was heading, and besides, it would probably be of great benefit to him for no-one to be around and able to hear anything. The Eds could be so predictable, and that is exactly what Kevin used to his advantage. It was predictable that Eddy would rather sacrifice his friend than his own pride and so would go along with the plans, it was predictable that the flighty Double D would recoil from the attentions of his friend, and it was predictable that he would go to Ed for help and not entertain anything of substance from his slow-witted friend and so, it made such perfect sense that, with no-one else to talk to, Double D would be more than relieved when offered another shoulder to cry on.

Double D nervously lifted his eyes to better survey his surroundings. He had never been in Kevin's bedroom before, even though they had known each other since Kevin had moved to the cul-de-sac, a year after Double D himself had arrived. The green wallpaper barely visible as it was suffocated by an avid collection of posters, ranging from various rock band promotions, to scantily bikini clad girls who stretched their forms over an array of powerful and impressive cars. The space was not unclean by any means, but neither was it as organised as Double D's own room, just holding a certain air of organised chaos.

He and Kevin had never really been friends. True, if Double D had chosen to comrade with Kevin when he was a child, chances are that he might have ended up being far more popular than he was at present, and sometimes Double D would long for that popularity, for that acceptance... but no, they were just too different from each other. As though they were living in two separate worlds. Kevin had his sports, his social skills and his friendships with Nazz and Rolf and the popular kids in school, while Double D had Ed and Eddy. But over the years they had become acquaintances, a mutual interest in mechanics had kept their lines of communication open, and, as long as Double D was not with Eddy, the two got along quite well. Double D could never figure out exactly why the two boys were so distant from each other. In a lot of ways he and Eddy were very similar. Both were overly preoccupied with the opinions of others, both strived to be the centre of attention, and both revelled in the rivalry that hung between them. But recently they had stopped their bickering and simply kept their distance from each other, Double D just presumed that they had grown out of their petty opposition, that, or something had happened between them. It was always so difficult to tell exactly what was going on in Eddy's mind, even for his best friends.

"So, what's wrong amigo?" Double D was shaken from his thoughts as he turned his gaze to the boy standing in front of him before sighing lightly and dropping his shoulders. He didn't want to discuss anything so intimate with Kevin, he barely felt comfortable conversing with Ed on the matter, yet he knew that he had no reason to distrust Kevin. He had matured since his childhood, and seemed more than willing to hear him out – something a lot of the others in the cul-de-sac would not have been so eager to do. Rolf, although he had grown more accustomed to the ways of the cul-de-sac residents, still held very strict views on topics such as this that he had picked up in his 'Old Country', views that Double D did not know enough about to know whether he would be able to help the situation or rather make it so much worse. He still had difficulty in talking to Nazz without his overwhelming nervousness getting the better of him, and he certainly could not talk to any of the younger kids about something that was so serious. It would not be fair on them to have their eyes opened to the true evils of the world, no matter how insignificant, at such a young and innocent age. Kevin was the only person who could help him now."

"It's Eddy..." Double D trailed off as he could feel the tears threatening to escape him at just the mention of his name.

"Should of known" Kevin scoffed "What'd he do this time? Let you take the rap for that stupid driving school thing?"

"No... Well... Actually, yes..." just because the Ed's scams had grown to be more impressive over the years did not mean to say that they had become any more successful. "But that is not the reason for my distress"

"So what is it then?" Kevin asked, moving closer to Double D as he questioned the taller boy. He so enjoyed toying with his prey.

Double D was fighting a desperate battle with his conscience, should he betray his friend's trust and tell Kevin the secret he had tried to keep so well hidden from everyone? No, he couldn't do that to his best friend. But... Eddy was not his best friend anymore. What kind of friend would violate him in such a horrific way? It was Eddy who had betrayed their friendship, but would returning those atrocities really help him? Yes. It certainly would ease his pain to share it with someone else, even if that someone was Kevin. But, what would Eddy do if he found out that it was Double D who had revealed his secret. It was inevitable that Eddy would know it was him all along, he doubted that eddy would have told anyone else if it had taken him so long to gather the courage to tell his best friend. But if he did find out, what could he do? Hate him? Punch him? Destroy everything he held close? No, Eddy had already done that. Double D 's friends were the most important aspects of his life, and now, one of them had been viciously torn away from him. One more thought chronically drove around in his mind. One question that he was so afraid to think of in fear of the answer. If Eddy had not noticed the after effect of his parent's drunken rage earlier that week upon finding that ed had once again broken thought the screen door to the kitchen, how far would he have gone? Would he have listened to his friend's pleas and stopped? Or would he not have been satisfied until he had gotten exactly what he wanted?

Double D lifted his gaze again to face Kevin, an encouraging smile spread across the auburn boy's face as he patiently waited for his answer

"He's... gay..."

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_Whee! Chapter eleven! Ok, I know, it was short and uneventful, but still, hope you enjoyed – the next chapter is actually well underway as we speak (I originally had one huge chapter, but decided to break it up – the reason for the uneventfulness) and so please R&R and tell me what you think – oh! And you gotta be extra nice to me today coz it's my birthday! Yaaaaay!!! So anyone who reviews will get a nice big piece of virtual birthday cake - Yum!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimer - don't own 'em..._

_A/N - Hey – well, in light of my exam results which I am SOOOOOO pleased with -skips around brandishing result statements- I've decided to celebrate with a new chapter! Ain't I kind!?! So yeah, this chapter is kinda part two of chapter 11, so I hope you enjoy!_

_Dedication - Well, I just dedicate this to everyone who has reviewed this story so far – you are all brilliant and I love each and every one of you!_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Kevin tried, unsuccessfully to stifle the laugh that threatened to escape him, but thankfully Double D was too caught up in his grief to notice.

"Gay huh? Wow... I never would have guessed..." Kevin again had to suppress his sniggers. It was just too rich. That Double D would be telling him the secrets that Kevin already knew. The secrets that Kevin had told Eddy to reveal to Double D. But he was yet to gain the full story. The disadvantage of never having taken residence in the closet the night before was that Kevin could not have seen first hand exactly what had happened between the two boys, although the sheer torture, the fact that Eddy had destroyed his friend's trust all for nothing, was just too enjoyable for Kevin to miss out on. No matter – as now Kevin could add to the fun by making Double D tell him exactly what happened himself, down to the very last detail. But first, to toy with the fragile boy a little more...

"So... That's the problem? You don't approve?" Without realising, Double D automatically shouted

"No!" He regretted it almost as soon as he had said it. He could have used the new found knowledge of Eddy's sexual preference as an excuse for his tears and for the argument with his long time best friend. Then he would not have had to explain to Kevin any more than he already had. Now Kevin was sure to now that there was something more to his distress. Although, in a way he was glad that he had not used that defence – he would not wanted to be branded with such a closed mind as to take offence to Eddy purely based on his sexuality. He continued cautiously.

"I guess I'd known for ages, deep down. It really does not bother or displease me in the slightest. I'm happy that he feels brave enough to relinquish the burdens pressing upon his shoulders and share his secrets – even if it's merely with me." Double D was surprised to find just how easily the words flowed from him. He realised just how desperately he needed to speak his sorrow, his pain. He no longer cared who it was that he was relaying this speech to, as long as he could tell someone who would listen, and who Double D could trust not to repeat his words.

"So, if you don't mind, then why the tears?" Double D looked at Kevin; a warm smile coupled with concerned, yet understanding chestnut eyes and made his decision. He would tell him. He knew he would be betraying Eddy, but he would only be returning the betrayal that he himself had felt. He could never cause Eddy as much pain as he was feeling right now. He dropped his gaze from the floor and inhaled deeply

"He... tried to rape me."

Kevin's dark eyes glittered in amusement, before he dropped his gaze to the scrawny body before him that had now collapsed to the bed, sobs violently controlling him, shoulders heavily rising and falling in torrents of tears. A broken soul. Such a beautiful, majestic spirit, so easily torn, lacerated by every harsh word, every judgement that he had ever faced, and now, after so many years of resilience, so viciously cut down. Kevin watched as emerald eyes turned to him, deep, shimmering pools of pain, and it was almost enough to make him break down in sympathy for his companion.

Almost.

A voice in the back of Kevin's mind reminded him of the scams, the lies, and the countless amount of times that the Eds had played him for a fool. Eddy had made the mistake of getting on the wrong side of Kevin too many times, and now he was paying for the consequences. Kevin had grown tolerant of Ed over the years. Not tolerant enough to actually like him, but tolerant enough to realise that the cumbersome boy was simply following orders. He was not bright enough to understand that the scams they pulled were dishonest, or to initiate the con-tricks that the three so famously entertained. He was simply the muscle, afraid of what Eddy would do to him if he were to refuse, and determined not to let his friends down when, for once, they were as reliant upon him as he was upon them. But Double D... Double D was more than capable of knowing the outcomes of each cheat. True, he did not dish out the orders as Eddy did, but he was often more than willing to go along with anything his leader had in store for them, and even if he appeared reluctant he would not argue with his friend – and for that he needed to pay.

"What happened?" Kevin's voice imitated shock. He wanted to get as much information as he could, ammunition for when he taunted Eddy later. The blonde would never guess how Kevin knew the details of his actions.

Double D desperately tried to resist, but the urge to relieve his mind of the words he so greatly needed to speak in order to lift some of the pain, the urge to see a comforting smile, a familiar warm face and the aching to share his grief was too much.

"He told me... and well... we more or less kissed..." Double D trailed off, afraid of Kevin's reaction to this piece of information, but aside from a slightly raised eyebrow and faintly stunned expression he did not seem at all phased. This gave Double D more confidence as Kevin nodded, encouraging him to continue with his account.

"I guess I didn't mind that... as first... it seemed kind of natural, he needed comfort and I needed companionship. But that's all it was, comfort and friendship. I thought we both knew that something like this should not happen between us. A kiss is meant as an expression of love, not of compassion, not of empathy, not even of friendship, but of true and profound love. A love that I cannot share with him. So I stopped him, explained why, but he wasn't satisfied... I tried to retreat... and eventually he did back down and I left with a missing shirt, hat and a gash to the hand. He didn't go too far – but I don't know if, given the chance, he would have done..."

Guilt suddenly washed over Double D at the mention of the question that was still plaguing his mind – would Eddy have stopped? He had released his secrets, let his mind open and the words flow from him without even realising exactly what he was confessing to Kevin. How could he have done this? To cast aside his morals, his loyalty to his friend, and openly declare everything that had happened between the two boys to an outsider? Tears again took over. Tears of guilt and of remorse for what he had just revealed, but also tears of anger, of pain. He might feel guilty, but that did not mean that the emotional wounds had healed, if anything they now bled with more severity.

Kevin reached over and gathered the shaking boy into his arms, resting his head on his slender shoulder as Double D's arms flung around his neck, desperate for that contact, for that comfort. Kevin let his hands lazily trace the curves of Double D's back before grinning broadly.

This is where the fun began.

"I'm really sorry to hear that Double D... I can't believe he would stoop so low as to do this to you!" Kevin heard a faint mumble of words from the boy as he sobbed against his chest before firmly gripping his shoulders, parting them and staring devilishly into emerald eyes.

"And no-one else will believe it either..."

Double D's sobs subsided as they were overwhelmed by confusion.

"W-What do you mean?" he asked, not quite knowing what Kevin was implying.

"Well... think about it. The two of you have always been such good friends... always side by side... always so comfortable together... Maybe it's not just Eddy who has a little secret eh?"

"No! I just..." Double D tried to defend himself, but Kevin interrupted.

"You've as good as admitted that you enjoyed kissing him, and who knows what else you two got up to?"

"But..."

"How will everyone react eh? To find out that shy little Double D, brains of the cul-de-sac and al around good guy has actually been crushing on his best friend the whole time?" Kevin laughed, and donned a mock expression of deep thought "Hmmm... of course, Sarah will be disappointed, as well as Marie... but once they find out what sort of man you've become – or rather, you haven't become – I'm sure they'll get over it pretty quickly..." Double D's eyes glazed with panicked tears as he desperately tried to plead with the stronger boy.

"But, I'm not..."

"Oh! And what will your parents say?" Double D gasped in shock. His parents. If they ever were to find out then he would be in for it. They detested their son at the best of times, if they were to pick up a rumour that he had turned out gay then they would certainly not listen to his begs of mercy, his desperate attempts to convince them otherwise. No. They could not find out. No one could find out.

"Kevin please! No! Please don't tell anyone! I beg of you! Gather whatever mercy you may have left and please don't say a thing – not to Eddy not the to others, not to anyone! I'll do anything, anything!" waves of panic washed over the pale boy as he tried to reason with Kevin. He was far beyond the stage of dignity. He would beg, he would plead, anything to stop him. Kevin smirked. This was so like last time, when Eddy had thrown himself upon his mercy... they had both been so trusting of him. That trust was about to be Double D's downfall, just as it had been Eddy's. A cruel smile crept upon his face as he recited the words he had used when it had been Eddy in front of him, wearing that exact same expression of desperation.

"No one is ever going to know your - or Eddy's - secret as long as you do exactly what I ask..."

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_And there we have it... chapter 12. What a chapter huh??? I'm personally glad that the action is starting to pick up again – as always thank yous to all of my reviewers and please continue to review this fic as it trundles along – and to those who read and don't review - Awww – come on! Please! Just click that lil button down the corner – I love to hear what people think – only if it's just a couple of words_


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimer – I own nothing but this photo of Laurence Llewelyn Bowen... HOTTIE!!! -Huggles my LLB-_

_A/N – Hey, just gotta try and wake up before writing the next chapter... lol. If there is a random string of letters anywhere in this chapter you'll know it's because I've fallen asleep on the keyboard... Anyhoo, chapter 13! Whee! But first a big thank you too my regular reviewers –huggles you all- and to my new reviewers!!! -Throws out party streamers- Yippee!!! So, hope you enjoy!_

_Dedication – Dedicated to the lovely Tesn Morlock after I had to throw him out of my house today after only mere seconds of him appearing... and for leaving him alone with the skary girl... I'm sorry... I hope this makes it up to you!_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Ed yawned stridently and rubbed his hand up and down his aching back. The floorboards of his basement were not exactly the most comfortable accommodation for the night, but he didn't mind. Double D had been in trouble, and he needed Ed to help him.

Ed loved to be needed by his best friends, true, they often called upon his services to do the lifting, the carrying and the more physical aspects of their regular scams – the dirty work one may call it – but it was not very often that they truly needed him for support or advice. Sometimes he would feel just that little bit jealous of Eddy and Double D. They seemed to be so close. Whenever either of them were in trouble, they would call out to the other for help. Of course, Ed would never let this bother him too much. He knew that he could never be anywhere near as intellectual as Double D, nor as sharp as Eddy, but when the opportunity arose for him to comfort Double D's fragile spirit and soothe Eddy's fiery temper he would be more than willing to take on the challenge – whether he ended up successful or not.

A loud crash echoed from the basement immediately rousing the boy from his half dazed state as he realised what that sound meant. Eddy had come to visit! He bounded down the stairs from the living room knowing that at any second he would be greeted by Eddy moaning about whatever mess Ed had left underneath the window that had 'broken' his fall. Eddy must be alone too, as they had gotten older and taller neither he or Double D could comfortably fit through the window and so were resigned to having to use the front door, but Eddy, being just that little shorter, was still able to utilize the shortcut, and steer clear of Sarah. Sure enough, as Ed reached for the door to his basement bedroom he could hear Eddy's heated voice growl.

"Ed! You idiot! Why'd you leave all this stuff in my way?" Ed entered the room and grinned as he watched Eddy fume about the deep red paint that now pooled around his feet, staining the bottoms of his pale baggy jeans. Ed had shoved most of his model painting kit into a pile beneath the window in a meagre attempt to tidy his room the night before. Normally he would not have bothered, but he knew how tidy Double D liked to be. He would do whatever he could to make him seem more at home.

"Hi Eddy!" Ed scampered over to his friend and enveloped him in a large hug. Eddy stood and returned his friend's embrace, normally he would have fought desperately to push the red haired boy away from him, but not today, today he needed that contact, that feeling of love and acceptance that he could only ever find in the hearts of his best friends. He was not sure how Ed would react when he found out what had happened to Double D, so he felt he had better make the most of what was left of the warmth of their friendship.

Ed was surprised when he felt Eddy's arms wrap around him. Normally Eddy would be belligerent toward him when offered such a show of affection, but this time he had simply and tenderly hugged his friend back. Ed pulled back, confused by this change in behaviour from his usually brazen best friend. Was something wrong? Was Eddy upset? No, Whenever Ed had seen Eddy upset, the blonde would be angry, furious even – but never poignant – that was how Double D would act. So why? Was it something he had done? Had he done something to please Eddy? He doubted that this kindness stemmed from the failure that had been Ed's driving school... Maybe Double D had told him what a good host he had been last night? Yes! That could be it! Satisfied with this explanation, Ed released his friend and set about picking some of the now crimson soaked items from the floor in an attempt to save them from too much damage.

Eddy sighed and sat on the small purple bed. How he wanted to tell Ed everything that had happened, to let his pride and his ego take a fall and just allow himself to be comforted and loved by the taller boy. But he knew that could not happen. He was Eddy, a strong leader, impassive and composed. Nothing could threaten him, nothing could beat him, nothing would ever keep him down. Though, Eddy knew that the mask he wore was only skin deep. Inside he was a coward. Easily offended and most defiantly reliant upon those around him. But, no matter how he felt within, he knew that he needed to be strong. To front his emotions and not let anyone, not even Ed, know exactly what was going on inside his mind.

A loud crash echoed through the room as Ed dropped one of his paint tins to the floor, creating yet more mess and allowing the red paint that already lay in a small lake around Ed's feet to mix with the newly spilled yellow. Eddy sighed to himself as Ed ran around frantically looking for a cloth to mop the colours up with. If Sarah were to find out what he had done she would tell mom for sure, and he was already in enough trouble for falling asleep last night while he was supposed to be watching his fiery sibling. Ed could be so clumsy, but Eddy guessed that was all a part of his somewhat charm. He had grown a lot taller over the last few years, towering over even Double D by at least a few inches and had now become very broad, muscular even, after so many years of physical labour, following Eddy's commands. His hair had grown considerably, and fell about his face in a disarray of wild red, which contrasted to deep blue eyes, the same shade as Sarah's, framed by tanned skin and boyish features.

Satisfied with the job he had done mopping the paint from the floor, Ed turned back to the blonde sitting on his bed and grinning.

"Look what I found Eddy! My old hairbrush! Can I brush your hair eddy? Huh? Please? Can I?" Eddy looked questioningly at his friend and cringed. The brush was falling to pieces, obviously more than a few years old and very much neglected, forgotten under the many piles of junk that littered Ed's bedroom, and was worryingly covered in the yellow paint that Ed had spilled earlier... and were those bite marks on the handle? But, one look at Ed's pleading face and Eddy knew he could not resist, not today. He just did not have the strength.

"Fine" he sighed, as Ed bounded over to him beaming brightly at the opportunity to play with his friend's hair. He set about lightly combing the blond strands, remembering to be careful so as not to hurt the shorter boy, and finally, when satisfied with the job he had done on the shorter spikes he moved round to brush the longer pieces of hair that fell around Eddy's face forming a makeshift fringe.

Despite himself, Eddy had to smile at Ed's gesture. True, it was not much, but to Eddy, Ed was there when he needed him the most, and that loyalty and friendship, no matter whether Ed was oblivious to it or not, was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"Your hair is so pretty Eddy, nice and soft, just like a kitten... Double D's hair is pretty too, but I don't think he'll let me play with it... I don't think he likes it all that much..." Suddenly, something sparked inside Ed's mind – a memory that morning, of the tears, the sadness, the pain. Double D's pain. Ed silently condemned himself, why did he have to forget so often? Maybe Eddy knew why Double D was so upset?

Ed ceased his playing with his friend's hair and stepped away from his friend, ready to question him about whatever he might know, but was stopped as his gaze dropped to Eddy's pocket, or more precisely, the black material that was hanging from inside the pocket. Ed recognised it immediately – how could he not? He had seen it practically every day since he could remember, but never separated from it's owner. A strange emotion washed over Ed, something he could not quite distinguish. Anxiety? Concern?

Suspicion?

Eddy realised why his friend had stopped, why he had suddenly fallen silent and dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to face the questioning stare that was haunting his friend's face. Tears blurred his vision. Was he about to loose the one last person that he held close?

"Eddy?"

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_Heh heh... Chapter 13... so what do you think??? You would not believe how much soul searching I had to do in order to post this – I was so sure it sucked, but maybe I'm just paranoid... Please review and tell me what you think!!! Oh, and chapter 14 will be hitting your screen over the weekend – stay tuned!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Disclaimer – Do I really need to type this? Is it not obvious that I don't own any of the characters? I might wish I did, but sadly I never shall... unless I kidnap them... Hmmmm... -plots-_

_A/N – Chapter 14, a lot later than previously expected, but hey... This is a very mini chapter because it needed to be here, but I still wanted to keep it separated. Enjoy!_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Kevin watched Double D flee with a smile. This morning had gone better than even he had expected. In a way it was a pity that the fragile boy had managed to escape so soon, but since he had suddenly realised that his parents had been due to arrive home earlier than morning Kevin knew that there was no use in resisting his efforts to leave. Just from the panicked expression that had been frozen upon the boy's already pale features as he realised how late it was, Kevin knew that no matter what he tried to do, how many threats he imposed upon the boy, he would not have his full attention. No. He would wait to strike again, give Double D a chance to reflect, time for the suspense to build. Anything to make his next move, the reward for all his recent hard work, all the more intense.

He let himself drop to the sheets of his bed and stared intently at the ceiling, mentally replaying the events of that morning. He scoffed to himself as he recalled that moment, that one brief shining moment, where he had almost felt pity for the wailing boy before him, and suddenly his eyes widened, cold at the realisation that somewhere, deep down, that feeling of sympathy was still active, alive in his thoughts, no matter how badly he wanted it gone. No. He could not feel pity for either Eddy or Double D. He would not. They had caused too much damage to him in the past, not to mention the damage they had caused to the others in the cul-de-sac. Kevin tried, frantically strained to remember all of the lies, all of the tricks that the two con artists had ever played at his expense, but suddenly found himself unable to think of anything other than the mystery emotion that had ignited, that had begun to burn inside of him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, as if to close out the oncoming and unwelcome feelings and his vision plunged into darkness, an oblivion that circled him, taunted him, ebbed at his conscience and mounted fear deep into his soul. Fear that he was falling for Double D? No. He knew that no matter how much sympathy he felt of the boy, no matter how great amount of pathos, he would never feel for the taller boy in that way. Of course, he didn't mind having a bit of fun with him; after all, that's exactly what this game was all about. So why?

Eddy? No, he didn't have feelings for Eddy... They had hated each other ever since they had known each other. Their rivalry was renowned throughout the neighbourhood, even though many had noticed that the fights had cooled recently. The games he played with Eddy were purely physical, purely a test of his own strength and an extension of their rivalry, from which Kevin had clearly risen victorious. Nothing could ever make him feel love for Eddy.

Kevin's eyes suddenly flew open as he realised just what this new emotion was. Regret. Regret and jealousy. Kevin regretted not accepting the Eds when they were younger, he regretted that he had never made, experienced the bond that held the Eds together, he regretted that, despite his popularity, he let power and the opinions of others stand in the way of true friendship, and he was jealous that the Eds had that bond, that friendship, that love. Why them? They were outcasts, why did they deserve to be so happy when all they ever did was to cheat their way though life?

The answer was clear to him – they didn't deserve happiness... and so he would make sure that they never had it.

The darkness that had surrounded him taunted him no longer. Now he was the darkness. He was that oblivion that threatened to tear the three boys apart. And he would not stop until all that was left of their friendship was fear, betrayal and loathing.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of the doorbell echoing though the house. Kevin hopped off the bed and made his way to the door, pulling it open to reveal Nazz leaning against the wooden frame, smiling brightly.

"Hey Kev, you ready to go?" Kevin mentally scolded himself. How could he have forgotten his date with Nazz this morning? That would mean having to leave his post at his bedroom window – such a perfect standpoint from which to watch the Ed's exact moves, just in case Eddy were to try anything clever – he knew Eddy, and if Eddy could find an easy way out of any situation then he would not hesitate in taking it. But on this occasion, it seemed to Kevin that he had everything in control. Eddy would be too shaken up to explain anything to his best friend, and Double D would hardly be in the mood to listen even if he did.

"Sure" he smiled, and leaned forward to plant a rough kiss on Nazz's lips, pulling away to lead her down the driveway, a protective arm wrapped around her waist. She was his, and he would let no one else forget it.

He so loved being in control of people.

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_Yes – I know – ridiculously short huh? But I just had to put this somewhere, so here it be! I'll post a more appropriate length chapter within the next two days to make up for it though – stay tuned! Oh! and as always thank you for all of the reviews I've recieved so far, I love to hear what you think._


	15. Chapter 15

_Discliamer – I own nothing... except my new bright pink coat -worships-_

_A/N – I know... My updating has become nothing short of appalling as of late... But I'm depressed, and stressed out and hate my new college with a vengance -kicks college- so... hey... But thank you as always for the wonderful reviews, they never fail to brighten my days! Anyway, on with chapter 15! Enjoy!_

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**Closeted Secrets**

There had been a time when Eddy had dreamed of power. He had wanted nothing more than popularity and acceptance – now all he wanted was for all of this to be over.

He could do nothing but stare at the ground as he waited for his friend to respond. He couldn't remember another time when both of his best friends had complete power over him, another time when it was their decisions that mattered the most. Usually he was the one to lead them, it was he that they had devoted their childhoods to pleasing. But now he could see just how much he relied on his friends, for without them he was nothing, just a marionette, void of emotion, of free will, left to dangle from Kevin's puppet strings.

Ed's eyes narrowed, desperate for something, anything to make sense. All he knew was that Double D was in pain, and that Eddy held the most intensely incriminating evidence toward the cause of that pain. But no, that had to be wrong. This was Eddy and Double D! Eddy and Double D had always been best friends, they never hurt each other and they could always trust each other. Sure, Eddy could be a bit bossy, and sometimes he would hurt his friend's feelings with his short temper, but in the end, both Ed and Double D knew that, beneath the cold outer layers, Eddy always held his friends close at heart, and would never do anything to truly wound them. Ever. Ed trusted Eddy, why would he ever have any reason not to?

Eddy slowly turned his gaze up to face his friend, sapphire eyes glazed with fear, with guilt. He was so afraid of what his friend would say.

"Eddy?" Ed questioned again, Eddy could barely distinguish the tone and the emotion that laced his voice. Anger? Confusion? Hope? His mind raced, trying to think of ways to explain to the boy standing over him, to plead his case, anything that could return that loved feeling he had been given by his friend only seconds ago. Instead, he numbly nodded, his shoulders falling, defeated, and closed his eyes, preparing himself for the next wave of tears.

"You found Double D's hat Eddy!"

"What?" Eddy looked back to his friend sharply, caught off guard by the sudden exclamation, and was surprised to see Ed beaming brightly at him, before reaching out to take the black material from Eddy's pocket, hugging it tightly, so glad of it's sudden return.

"Double D will be so pleased you found it for him! Now we can go give it back to him and our friend will be happy once more!" Ed continued, ranting happily about this latest discovery, grinning widely and feeling endlessly proud of himself for having worked out exactly what was going on. He knew there was no reason to mistrust his friend, and he almost felt as though he had betrayed Eddy for doubting him, no matter how briefly.

Eddy tried desperately to block out his friend's words. The guilt was just too much to bear. How could Ed trust him? How could he think that he was the cure to Double D's pain, when in reality, he was the cause of it? Eddy's shoulders shook with deep sobs as torrents of tears ran over his burning cheeks. He cried out, trying to release some of the tension that encompassed him, pulled at his soul. The sound interrupted Ed from his joyous ramblings and his smile immediately fell as he dropped to his to his knees before his wailing best friend, wrapping his arms around the small boy and holding him gently. Eddy hung his own arms around Ed's neck and buried his head into his shoulder, soaking Ed's jacket with tears.

"Shhh, Shhh... It is ok" Ed mused, trying to reconcile his friend as best he could. He rubbed a large hand up and down the length of Eddy's back in an attempt to sooth his pain. How he hated to see his friends upset, and he guessed that Eddy must hate it too. Why else would he be crying so hard if he had not been so deeply affected by Double D's distress at having lost his hat? It had surprised Ed somewhat, to see his usually composed leader express such emotion, but Ed knew how much Eddy loved Double D, so he supposed that it made sense. He griped his friend's shoulders and pushed the still sobbing boy away from him.

"We can go now and give him his hat back now! Maybe once Double D is happy again then you will feel much better!" Eddy nodded numbly, gazing into Ed's large chestnut eyes, trying to deny the trust, the love that lay there. He did not deserve such gestures, but right now, just when he needed Ed the most, he would do all he could to keep from pushing him away. Even if that meant lying to him. He would understand, eventually... right?

Ed beamed once more and, letting go of eddy, grabbed the black hat that he had placed on the bed, and ushered his friend out of the room. Eddy wiped away stray tears with the back of his hand, and allowed himself to be lead up the basement stairs toward Ed's front door. He didn't want to face Double D. Maybe this was too soon. Maybe if he left everything to cool down then he would eventually just forget anything had ever happened. They could carry on as normal, and never mention it again.

No. That would never happen. He had come here to make everything right, and he would not turn back until Double D had forgiven him.

He halted as he heard Ed's laughter, distracted by a stray bubble that had floated into the hallway from the living room where Jimmy and Sarah were amusing themselves with a tub of bubble mixture. Eddy had to suppress a smile; sometimes it was so gratifying to know that somewhere, underneath all of the problems and stresses that came along with the life he had chosen to lead, he could count on his friends to give him that one last memory, a faint yet heartfelt reminder of his innocence, his childhood. Another stream of bubbles floated into the room, and Eddy watched as Ed, momentarily sidetracked from his mission of returning Double D's hat, bounded around, pawing playfully at the small spheres, the commotion knocking the bubbles off course, making them collide into each other and sending them flying in all directions. A single bubble floated in front of Eddy. A beautiful, delicate orb of colour that brightly danced and allowed itself to be gracefully carried by the breeze. Eddy reached out with his hand to catch the bubble, but it burst upon impact – seemingly just like everything else he touched – it's beauty and grace now fallen, just a distant memory.

Ed's laughter ceased as he remembered what he was supposed to be doing and he grabbed his friend by the hand, rushing out of the front door and out onto the street, heading toward Double D's house.

If anyone could make Double D feel better, Eddy could.

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_Yay! Chapter 15! So what'd you think? I must admit, most of my chapters I am anxious about, but this one I love for some reason – probably coz of the bubbles bit... I had to go out and buy myself a tub of bubble mixture the other day to give me inspiration for that part... don't you just love symbolism? Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed – and I promise I'll try harder to update more regularly. Promise!_


	16. Chapter 16

_Disclaimer – I own... This half empty cup of coffee – yum!_

_A/N – Ok, so I'm procrastinating over my history essay, and have decided that a new chapter to CS would be far more beneficial in the long run than an essay on King Charles I... really it will... So here it is! Enjoy!_

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**Closeted Secrets**

Double D sat in his room, his head buried into his arms, which were wrapped around his knees, and sobbed. He should have known that his parents would be back this morning, that the house was still in no fit state for them to return to, but he had forgotten. He had failed them, and they had not been happy.

He listened as the black car backed out of the drive and faded into the distance, taking his parents with it. He had gotten used to his parents not being around, they had been absent ever since he was a child, and even when they were there in person, Double D could tell that they would never really be with him in spirit. That's just the way it was. As though they lived in parallel worlds, their paths only crossing briefly, for a single swift moment that was gone almost as soon as it had come. And it was that moment that he cherished. That one moment that he could strive to impress his parents, that opportunity that he could try and grasp in order to gain their love.

But this time he had let them down, let himself down, and now that moment was gone.

Sighing, he lifted himself from the floor, hissing sharply as the bruised skin on his stomach brushed roughly against the material of his shirt, and made his way slowly to the kitchen, the source of his parent's initial anger. His mother was right – the kitchen did look like a bomb had recently hit it, or, more precisely, Ed had hit it. Various plates and cutlery lay strewn about the room, the floor was covered in the leftovers of a pile of broken eggs that had fallen out of the fridge when Ed had tried to reach the butter and jam, which itself was smeared around the worktops, along with trails of breadcrumbs that lead into the living room – the devastation caused by Ed attempting to make his own sandwich yesterday afternoon after Eddy's impromptu disappearance. Double D dropped to his knees in front of the fridge and began to delicately pick out the pieces of broken eggshell from the sticky mess on the floor. How could he have been distracted so easily last night? He should have cleaned this mess up straight away, before going for a shower, and certainly before even considering leaving with Eddy.

Double D's blood turned cold at the thought of his friend's name. Could he even call him his friend any more? Maybe not. Maybe their friendship could never recover from this. Maybe this was his punishment for neglecting his duties to his parents. If he had never gone with Eddy last night, if he had not abandoned his responsibilities at home then none of this would have ever happened. Eddy would not have had the chance to betray him, and they would still be happy, the best of friends. But no. Double D had failed, and he now had to make up for that failure.

His parent's words filtered through his mind as he cleared the large fingerprint shaped smears of butter from the fridge door. They had already seen the state of the kitchen when he arrived from Kevin's home, and so they were already extremely angry with him. It didn't make things any better once they had seen exactly what state their son would arrive home in. His pale skin flushed red, streaks of midnight smeared down his cheeks and his hair. His hair just left uncovered. How his father hated his son's long hair – clamed it made him look feminine, that no son of his would ever be anything less than a man. And now this, Double D tried to back away from his father as he grabbed his son's chin in his strong hand and harshly ran his thumb over his cheek before pushing the boy away from him and examining the smears of black left behind on his fingers. Double D watched as his father's dark eyes flashed with fury and turned a pleading gaze unto his mother who remained frozen, neither able nor willing to protect her son from her husband's advances. Without warning, his father's fist shot out and made contact with the lean boy's stomach, making him cry out. He so desperately wanted to run to his mother, for her to hold him and protect him – tell him everything was ok, he wanted so desperately to let the tears fall from his eyes. But he knew he couldn't. To show weakness would only enrage his father further. He braced himself for the next impact, fighting the temptation to close his eyes, only barely managing to keep them open and on his father. But that next blow never came. Just the heat of his father's breath on his face as he leaned in to his son and spoke.

"We should have gotten rid of you long ago. If only we'd have known then exactly what a damned creature you were going to become." He turned away from his son and led his wife out of the house.

Those words haunted him. No matter what bruises his parents could ever paint upon his body, the scars that they left behind – the physical wounds would always heal, but the emotional wounds would bleed forever. Crimson tears that stained the very fabric of his soul and tore apart his spirit.

But he would never hate his parents for it. No. They were only doing their job. It was their duty to make sure that their son grew up to be perfect, that he would go through life without performing evil. Any parents would do the same. Maybe Kevin was right. Maybe he would never grow up to be the person that his parents wanted him to be, and he was just destined to a life of evil, of wickedness. Maybe this was all part of his punishment – that Eddy would betray him, and now that Kevin would torture him, though Double D still had no idea how. This was his penance for his flaws.

The loud sound of knocking from the front door continued to echo through the house, only to fall on Double D's deaf ears.

He could hear nothing now but that taunting, unidentified voice.

"You're a wicked child Edward, a wicked damned child..."

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_Wooooooo, kinda crazy huh? Again, I love this chapter – it's just so -creepy- (this may start to get dangerous, that's two chapters in a row now! Shock!) So please, please R&R to tell me what you guys think! It means a lot! And now I return to good ol' Chalie boy... -sigh- Bye-ee!_


	17. Chapter 17

_Disclaimer – Don't own nothing, nope nothing, not me..._

_A/N – I'm suffering! Stupid cold! I hate college – it's made me ill... anyway... enough of my moaning, chapter 17 is here! A day early too! Hooray! Thanks for your lovely reviews – but for now, enjoy!_

_Dedication – Dedicated to all the gits in college who contributed to me catching this cold. Damn them all... Damn them all to hell..._

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**Closeted Secrets**

"Where is he?" Ed pounded the door repeatedly, desperate for his friend to hear him. He couldn't wait to see Double D's face light up when he returned the hat to him. Ed loved to make his friends happy, to feel that warmth it bought.

Eddy looked to the floor and shuffled his feet from side to side. He didn't want to be here. It was far too soon. There was no way that Double D would be ready to see him yet – and Eddy wasn't exactly ready for that either. No. He had to do this. To prove to Double D that this whole thing was a mistake. To explain everything, about Kevin, about his stupid dares.

To prove to himself that he could do it.

Eddy hated to admit that he had failed. Especially to himself.

And yet, there was still something holding him back. A fear of rejection, of dismissal. A fear that his friend would never forgive him. If Eddy were to run now then he could still hold onto that slight chance, the tiny possibility that everything would turn out all right. If he were to follow Ed then there was every likelihood that hope would be so cruelly snatched away from him, and without it, Eddy did not know how he would live with himself.

Ed stood back from the door, puzzled, and walked to the window at the front of the house, trying to peer into the living room. Double D should have answered the door by now. Maybe he wasn't home? Ed's smile fell at this thought; he so dreadfully wanted to see his friend.

"Come on Ed, he's not home..." Suddenly Eddy didn't feel quite so brave. Surely an hour or two later wouldn't make any difference... right?

"No way Eddy! I see him! Look!" Before Eddy could object Ed had wrapped a large arm around his shoulders and pressed Eddy's face to the window. Eddy struggled to free himself from Ed's heavy paws, but to no avail. Ed was both larger and stronger than Eddy and seemed to feel nothing of the escape attempt presented to his from his flailing friend.

"Get off me Ed! He's not home ok? End of story!" Eddy growled, but again Ed seemed to pay no heed to his captive, and had instead fixed his eyes upon the small figure he could see through the window, drowning in thought.

"Eddy, I think Double D is asleep, see, he's just sitting there... Do you think that's why he's not answering the door Eddy?" He dropped his gaze to the shorter boy, who had now stopped struggling in order to obediently try and distinguish the figure of his best friend, and immediately an immense feeling of dread washed over him. Ed cursed himself for not quite being able to figure out why.

Eddy's mind raced with panic. Ed had been right. Double D was at home. Eddy could just about make out the silhouette of his friend slumped to the floor of the kitchen, his head hung down, letting his bangs fall daintily around his face. But why was he just lying there? Deathly still?

Eddy's breath caught in his throat. Why wasn't Double D answering the door? Could he not hear them? Did he just not want to open the door? Maybe he knew that it was Eddy and could not bear to face him. But in that case, why would he sit in plain view for Eddy to see him? And why, of all places, on the kitchen floor? Questions raced through the blonde's mind, pounding his thoughts for information, for a rational explanation, but he could offer none. His thoughts slowly began to turn more sinister, more dark. What if Double D's parents had come home? Double D had mentioned that they would arrive sometime today. But surely they would still be there? The car would still be parked on the driveway, but there was no sign of either of them to be seen. Had Double D had some sort of accident? A fall that had sent him crashing into the cabinets that he now leant against, knocking him unconscious?

Or maybe... Just maybe...

No. Eddy mentally scolded himself. How could he even think that his friend would do such a cowardly thing? This was Double D. He would never do anything so irrational, so foolish. No... Not ever.

But then again... He just looked so motionless.... A rag doll, carlessly tossed to the floor, forgotten, lifeless.

Panic again shot through Eddy's body as he finally found the strength to pull away from Ed's grasp and race to the back door of the house. He knew how much Double D would moan at him for having broken through that screen door yet again, but this was an emergency. He had no time to worry about his friend's petty lectures.

Ed stared after his friend. That feeling of dread still hung over his thoughts, casting shadows over his mind. Whatever this feeling was, Eddy obviously felt it too, Ed was sure of it. Suddenly he found that his feet were moving, following Eddy to Double D's garden and he could not stop running until he saw Eddy charge through the screen door into the kitchen.

That feeling of dread, whose flames danced throughout his thoughts, alighting everything they touched, only grew...

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_Oooooh! Cliff hanger or what? Ok, it was a short chapter, but it was intended as a kinda filler – I shall try and make up for it tomoz with the 'real' next chapter (if I feel well enough... stupid cold...) but for now, tell me what you think! Review, and inspire me to get up off my lazy ass to write more! Lol... Till next time!_


	18. Chapter 18

_Disclaimer – Still own nothing... 'Cept this cold... -sigh-_

_A/N – Ok, so the next chapter! Hopefully of more reasonable length this time! Um, there's not all that much more to say really – 'cept thank you for the reviews (I know I've not really given people much chance to review the last chapter) and I hope you enjoy!_

_Dedication – Dedicated to 'Dr G' who bullied (yes... bullied...) me into getting a lie in this morning and watching EEnE tapes repeatedly... So thank you for your remedy, I'm actually feeling quite a bit better today so it must work!_

* * *

**Closeted Secrets**

Eddy's arm broke through the screen door, ready to run to his friend, thoughts and images flashing through his mind, fear sending slight chills up and down his spine. Those questions still haunted him, pulling at his conscience. Questions to his friend's reactions when Eddy suddenly burst though to his kitchen, as to what state he and Ed would find him in. What if he were upset. What if he were angry. What if he were hurt. What if he were...

Eddy froze. Unable to move forward, stood solid to the ground. Fear's icy touch chilled every muscle in his body. He could not face his friend. There was no way that he would be forgiven for what he had done, that flame of hope was the only thing keeping him alive. He could not bear for it to be taken away.

He barley even noticed Ed push past him and through the screen door, determined to find out exactly why he was feeling so afraid. Maybe he could ask Double D. Double D knew everything, far more than either he or Eddy did. And Double D would be so proud that Ed had thought to come ask him. 'Always ask me if there is something you don't understand' his friend had always said. Ed's thoughts brightened at this, he was so glad that his friends loved each other so much and always wanted to help each other.

A quick survey of the kitchen found Double D sitting on the floor, leaning against the kitchen cabinets. The room was a complete mess, something that mentally jarred Ed. He was so used to seeing everything in Double D's house immaculate. To seeing those yellow sticky notes littered around every available surface, instead of the smears of cream and red that now adorned them. His view drifted to the refrigerator, and a spark of memory ignited in his mind. Those eggs... yesterday, he'd dropped them on the floor... and they were still there. There was something undeniably wrong about that.

His gaze turned to Double D, and immediately that feeling of unbeknownst dread impossibly intensified. Ed slowly, carefully made his way over to his lean friend, making sure not to tread on the remaining eggshells that lay in his path, and dropped to his knees so he could better see the boy slumped to the floor.

"Double D?" Ed's fingers carefully reached out and delicately lifted Double D's chin, so that Ed could stare into his eyes, desperate for the answers he so desperately...

Ed's breath caught in his throat. Double D's eyes. They were so inert, emotionless, like doll's eyes. Normally shimmering emeralds were now clouded by torment, by fear. Dead. Seemingly just like the spirit of his friend. Ed's own eyes filled with tears as he realised exactly what was going on. Why Double D was so lifeless. Why the windows to his soul were misted by terror. And exactly who was to blame.

"I'm so sorry Double D! I really am! I didn't mean to make such a mess. I'll clean it all up see?" To prove his point, Ed scooped a pile of broken eggshell from the tiles and threw them in the direction of the nearest dustbin, not noticing that he had completely missed his target and had instead sent the mess of cream and yellow splattering all over the wall. When he received no response from his friend he rested his great hands on Double D's shoulders, gripping the frail, almost skeletal form that Double D had become, and desperately shook him, backwards and forwards, violently attempting to shake him out of whatever trance had taken over his mind.

"Double D! Please talk to me! I'm so sorry for messing up your kitchen! I didn't mean to – honest! I'm really, really sorry Double D!" Still no movement. Ed choked words of sorrow through his sobs. He was so disappointed in himself. He had let his friend down so terribly. He knew how terrified Double D was of mess and chaos – almost as much as he was afraid of soap! How could he not have stopped to think what his carelessness would do to the boy? Tears streamed down his cheeks in an attempt to rid his body of the guilt, of the sorrow.

But why wasn't his friend answering him? Why was he not yelling, screeching like he always did whenever Eddy or Ed did anything messy or wrong or mean? Usually those high-pitched wails scared Ed, usually he so desperately wanted them to stop.

But now, they were all he needed to hear.

* * *

_Woo! Cliffie! Again! Ok, so that was even shorter than the last, but still... It builds suspense much more this way mwhahahaha! There is one more mini chapter to come to complete this 'scene' before we get back to the real length chappies! Yay! I would really love to post chapter 19 tonight, but a history essay that is due tomorrow might just prevent that... but I'll see what I can do... For now please continue to review! Salutations kids! -Flies off to history essay land-_


	19. Chapter 19

_Disclaimer – I own nothing but this whole boatload of art homework that is due on Thursday that hasn't been done yet... you want it? Do you??? Coz I'll give it you to do... honest and for truly..._

_A/N_ _– I'm depressed. Yup. Depressed. So far that stupid never-ending pit of despair that they call a college has told me that I am awful at writing poetry, can't write prose and especially can't draw... I need to feel love -sobs-. But anyway, in an effort to prove them wrong... Chapter 19 of lord knows how many, so, as always thank you for the reviews you've sent, they bring me such happiness every time I receive one, and enjoy chapter 19! Oh, and sorry muchly for the update delay... on with the show!_

* * *

**Closeted Secrets**

Ed was surprised to hear the sound of sobs joining his own, and to feel two hands, gracefully glide over his shaking shoulders, allowing Double D to pull himself into Ed's chest. The warmth he felt there, the comfort that surrounded him in the protection of Ed's strong arms, it was the best feeling in the world and, even though he could not control the sorrow that escaped him with each tear he cried, for those few minutes of comfort he was the most content that he had been for what seemed like days.

Neither boy noticed the third figure slip silently into the room.

Ed's tears also continued to flow, partly due to the fear and guilt that he could no longer sustain, but also from relief. Double D was ok. That was the most important thing to him. All he could do now was to hold Double D tighter, pull him closer, so that nothing in the world could harm his delicate friend. Ed's head shifted so that it now lay nestled on Double D's shoulder, surrounded by shiny locks of midnight. He smiled into his friend's hair, grateful that he had finally been given the chance to be so close to it. To be trusted so much by his friend that he would reveal to him his most protected of secrets. He breathed deeply, trying to hold the scent of the ebony in his mind. Committing each delicate fragrance, each fragile touch to his memory. Somehow he doubted that he would ever get the chance to be this close to his friend again.

Double D sighed into his friend's chest, shifting his head to rest closer to Ed's neck. The brush of Double D's hair jarred a thought in Ed's mind as he somewhat reluctantly pulled away from his friend, who gazed questioningly up at him, stormy green eyes ablaze with fear, with pain. Ed dug around in the pockets of his oversized green jacket, trying to decipher what each object he touched was by its texture. Ed never knew quite what could be lurking in his pockets – or for just how long it had been lying there. Finally he brushed his hand over the material that was so familiar to him, and pulled the hat out of his pocket, stopping briefly to brush some of the leftover crumbs off it's surface before presenting it proudly to his tearful but smiling friend.

Double D let out a silent laugh before Ed carefully and ceremoniously placed the black cloth upon his friend's head, not bothering to sweep his hair up underneath, and leaving it sitting astride his forehead at a skewed angle, causing the material to fall over one of Double D's eyes. The raven-haired boy pushed the hat back above his eyebrows before embracing his friend yet again, letting all the love, the appreciation of comfort between the two friends pull them together, an unbreakable bond.

"Thank you so much Ed." Double D found it almost impossible to speak. To form the words to express such overwhelming feelings of gratitude. He had so much to be thankful for at the feet of his friend. Compassion, love, comfort and, although he was not always completely understood by the larger boy, someone to share the grief of a fallen angel.

And now he had even returned his hat. Such a simple gesture, and yet so well appreciated. He felt guilty that Ed had blamed himself for the upset that had been caused, and that he should have to have shouldered that guilt, no matter how short the sentence was. Double D knew vaguely the workings of Ed's mind, and so he was pretty sure that Ed would have convinced himself that the only way to return to the way things had been just yesterday morning would have been to return the hat. That there could be such a simple explanation for their problems. Just like there always had been, back when they were innocent, when they were children and they had no knowledge of the evils that they had now opened their eyes to.

No. That voice in the back of his mind once again surfaced, through the thoughts of love and of bliss. He had never been innocent. The only evil he faced was the evils that existed inside of him, the evils that made him disobey his parents, that made him let them down time after time. Now, finally, that betrayal was all coming back to him.

And yet, in the safety of Ed's arms, it seemed as though nothing could reach him.

Double D's hand reached out to brush the material out of his eyes after it had fallen down his face again without the support of his hair to hold it up. He was so glad to have it back. After last night he thought he'd never see it again....

Wait.

If he had left the hat behind when he had fled from Eddy's last night, then how exactly had Ed managed to get his hands on it? The only way that he could have gotten it was for it to have been given to him...

Double D's blood ran cold through his veins, a chill, the thoughts of his best friend like an icy cold touch to his mind ran, through his body as his eyes flew open to find the short blonde figure standing in the far corner of the room. But somehow the image would not settle in his mind, as if blurred, his vision blinded by tears? By fury?

By hope?

* * *

_Yeah... Chapter 19... I'd type more, but I'm tired and depressed and wanted to post this tonight as I missed by usual Sunday deadline. So, please review, and as always I'll try and get the next chapter to you asap!_

_BTW, if anyone is staring to think that this story is going nowhere, I'm sorry... I just like description... and I know I've just written three whole chapters on the same damn thing, but I do promise the action will begin next chapter! Hooray! Hope everyone continues to carry on reading this story and don't get bored too quickly... Pleasies -Pleading face-_


	20. Chapter 20

_Disclaimer - Own nothing, 'cept this rather crappy computer... damn it... damn it to Hell..._

_A/N - I'm gonna avoid wittering on today and just get down to the story - as that is what you are all here for right? Good. So, Chapter 20, quite a landmark for me. I never imagined this fic would go this far or that it would be so well received in a million years, so a heartfelt thank you to anyone who is reading and enjoying this story._

* * *

**Closeted Secrets**

He could feel that he was falling. One look into his friend's eyes told him that he had just lost everything he had ever had. He so desperately wanted to scream, to cry and to beg for forgiveness. To plead for things to go back to the way they had been just hours before. To grab him by the shoulders, shout, yell and attack him. Anything that could thaw the ice that had made his heart grow cold. Eddy needed to bring Double D back to him.

Double D felt that same ice touch, and briefly wondered if he really had fallen so far from grace, down to the depths of Hell. No. This place was too cold to be Hell. Hell was definite eternal damnation, a fatal, and most defiantly earned punishment. But Eddy had not even left him with that, instead leaving him in this purgatory, an uncertainty of judgment which almost made him long for the unambiguousness of Hell.

Eddy slowly made his way toward Double D, being cautious not to move too fast. He was used to seeing that look on his friend's face, the one of fear and panic. The Kankers had never failed to install that expression on either of the three boy's features when they were younger, no matter how much Eddy hated to admit it, and the boy was nothing short of neurotic at the best of times, who else would get so worked up over a little bit of mess or dirt? But this time was different. Never before had Eddy seen the pale boy to be the one caught within his own headlights. There was just something so undeniably wrong with that picture.

Ed had noticed the sudden change in the air and pulled away from Double D's arms, looking quizzically to his friend's eyes to once again give him the answers he needed, only find them glazed, his attention pulled unbreakably past Ed's shoulder and to the other side of the room. Ed turned to follow the boy's line of vision, only to see Eddy's solemn form.

"Eddy! Hey Eddy! Look! I found Double D! And I gave him back his hat, just like I said. Now everything is all back to normal!" Ed beamed brightly, his eyes glittering with the tears that had once fallen from them. He waited for his friends to answer, for Eddy to congratulate him on a job so well done before seemingly forgetting that any of this had ever happened as he was distracted by the latest of his money making schemes and began barking out orders for Double D to question relentlessly before finally giving in, sighing and relaying a list of the materials he would need to build his next, doubtlessly brilliant invention. That was how it was everyday, and even though all the planning and the work would prove to have been in vain as everything went horribly wrong, Ed knew that neither of them would ever change their routine.

So why were they being so silent?

"Waiting for the plan here Eddy" he yelled, hoping that, with a little encouragement, Eddy would remember his plans for the day. Ed couldn't blame him for forgetting and having to take a little time to try and remember quietly. Ed seemed to forget things everyday, and no doubt that if he had to think of all the brilliant and detailed plans that Eddy created then he would get confused too. It bothered him, that he could never be as good as his friends, but they assured him that to them it did not matter if he was a little slower than they were. They loved him anyway, and Ed was so grateful of that.

Realizing that his attention had slipped Ed mentally shook himself and looked expectantly to his leader, hoping that he had not missed any important instructions, only to find that neither boy had moved. That they were just staring at each other with dead eyes. Something was so wrong.

"Guys!" Ed lifted himself from his position on the floor and walked over to Eddy, whose attention never wavered from the pale figure before him. Ed stood discontentedly between his friends, blocking their eye contact with each other and crossed his arms disapprovingly, an annoyed look crossing his face. He hoped that this would work. He had seen Eddy do the same thing so many times when he wanted the boys to concentrate on their jobs.

"Ed" Eddy paused briefly, trying to think of a suitable excuse for luring his friend out of the kitchen. "I have this great idea for a scam ok? Now listen carefully. You know those comics you drew for me last week?"

"Sure do Eddy!" Ed answered brightly, proud that he had managed to get Eddy to remember his plans at last.

"I need you to go draw me up a few more ok?" Ed's face brightened, grateful for the chance to prove how useful he could be. Not even Double D could draw as well as he could, and neither of his friends knew more than he did about comic books! Before Eddy could give his friend any further instruction, Ed had nodded his enthusiastic obedience and bounded out through the screen door, his arms flailing wildly, caught up in his own excitement.

Eddy watched him leave, glad of the distraction and the opportunity to protect Ed from whatever was going to happen next, and was surprised when he saw his friend stand up, brushing unseen dirt from his shirt.

"You didn't tell him." The statement caught Eddy off guard, and before he could act otherwise his perpetual anger seeped through unwillingly.

"Neither did you I'd notice" He regretted it as soon as he had spoken, especially as Double D's once emotionless features had twisted into anger.

"Why are you here?" The taller boy demanded, much to Eddy's surprise. It was not often that Double D had such power in his voice, and never before had he spoken so hatefully. Eddy found himself unable to answer, in fear of the anger which still lurked in his grief. He needed to be tactful when it came to Double D, but anger was his strongest emotion, and no matter how much he tried to control it, he knew that his fury would win over the softer overtones he needed.

Tired of his friend's silence, Double D advanced toward his friend, glad of the inches he held above Eddy that allowed him to stand over his friend, but found he could not move any closer to the person who had betrayed him so horribly. He couldn't even stand to look at him. It would be impossible to do so without igniting the pain that spread though his body like poison. He turned from the shorter boy, not willing to show the tears rolling down his face.

"Just go..."

Eddy's own cheeks began to burn with the now familiar feeling of his guilt, but stood his ground, not wanting to move until Double D had been forced to forgive him. He could not let his fear win him over.

"No. Not until you let me explain. This isn't any of my fault!" Eddy tried to keep his voice calm, but knew that with every moment that passed he was more and more likely to give in to the rage that boiled beneath his words. How dare Double D turn his back to him? How could someone who was supposedly so intelligent not see that he had come here to explain.

"Is that so?" Double D's voice dripped with sarcasm, even though inside he knew that he was far weaker than he sounded.

"Yeah! It's all Kevin's stupid fault. He told me to do it, I swear!" Double D's eyes flashed with fury as he turned back to the blonde, glaring hatefully to him with a power not even he knew he possessed, no longer caring whether Eddy could see the tears the streaked his face. He had heard Eddy's excuses before, and usually he fell for them every time. But not this one. This time Eddy had excelled his usually selfish and spiteful self, and that he could try and shift the blame horrified the usually understanding boy.

"Go."

Eddy's own eyes filled with tears at his friend's command. He had destroyed what could been his only chance to regain his friend's trust, and now there was no way he could convince himself that Double D would forgive him. Not when his eyes, once so young, so beautiful and bright, were now dull and untrusting, as though some part of him had died, and now Eddy knew that they would probably never recover from the wounds he had slashed though his best friend's trust, just like the wounds slashed though his own heart.

Eddy cast one last lingering look to the seething boy before him, before silently admitting defeat, hanging his shoulders and walking back out of the kitchen, tears blinding his vision and the sobs threatening to take over his body rendering him unable to breathe. The sudden sound of the screen door slamming violently behind him as Double D had swung it closed, desperate to separate himself from Eddy in any way possible, seemed to awaken the anger that he had continually battled, no matter how successfully, and he turned back to the house, shaking uncontrollably with a mixture of pent up emotions. Before he could stop himself, he could hear his voice screaming back to the person on the other side of the door

"You'll be so sorry! Just you wait and see! You are going to regret the day you made me angry you pathetic homophobic jerk!" Eddy's eyes widened in horror as he realized what he had just done, and briefly considered apologizing for his sudden outburst, but decided against it. He could not risk to upset Double D any further.

Eddy blindly walked from the house, not seeing anything before him. Others had so often warned him about his ambition, his aching to be supreme. He had so often heard those words of caution and of warning. Yet he had never listened to a single one. He had been blinded by his own dreams, not realizing that he was so reliant upon his friends, that it was them who held him so high.

But now he had flown too close to the sun, melting his waxen wings, leaving him alone, nothing to keep him from falling.

* * *

_Wow. That was fun to write! And so there was chapter 20, and finally the action hath returned! Hooray! So, as per usual, please express your thoughts to this chapter, and I shall return next week with chapter 21 -disappears in a puff of smoke-_


	21. Chapter 21

_Disclaimer – I own nothing, as per usual..._

_A/N – Not much to say today really, 'cept that this chapter promises to be REALLY short coz I have got soooo much work to do today, but I got a week off starting Thursday, so I'll make up for it then... so yeah, chapter 21... enjoy!_

* * *

**Closeted Secrets**

"Man... that's really too bad Nazz" Kevin idly ran his hand over the girl's blonde hair as she sobbed into his shoulder, making sure not to break his line of vision to the house on the corner of the street. Nazz lifted her head and sniffed, trying to stem the tears.

"So what do you think I should say to her?" Kevin was caught off guard by her question and momentarily lost his concentration toward Double D's front door. Nazz waited impatiently for him to answer, her blue eyes narrowing suspiciously. She hated it when Kevin didn't listen to her.

"Uh... well... Maybe you ought to... uh... wait for her to apologise to you first..." Kevin prayed that he had chosen a suitable answer to satisfy his girlfriend. Nazz could get so sulky when she felt ignored. But Kevin had much more important things on his mind than Nazz's petty problems. The blonde thought for a moment, before nodding slowly, seemingly content with Kevin's suggestion.

"I guess you're right... I mean, it was her fault anyway... kinda..." Kevin's attention again turned away from the girl's constant rambling and back to his silent surveillance, waiting for signs of either of the three boys. He had seen Ed and Eddy enter the house, and then Ed had left, which meant that Eddy still had to be in there. This worried Kevin. If Eddy and Double D were allowed too much time together then his whole plan could fall through. There was no way that Kevin was going to let that happen.

"I mean, if she doesn't want to take my advice then that's her own lookout right?" Kevin nodded his head in an attempt to still seem interested in the conversation, before hearing the sounds of a door slamming, followed by shouting coming from across the street. There was no mistaking that voice. That was Eddy. Sure enough the short figure of the blonde was seen stalking from the house, his head held low so as not to let passers by see the expression of hurt on his face, and his pace quickened, desperate to get back to his house where he could shut off from the rest of the world. He didn't even notice the couple standing on Kevin's driveway as he passed them.

Kevin smiled; glad that he could finally claim his prize. He placed his hands on Nazz's shoulders and gently pushed her away from him.

"Hey Nazz, I gotta go..." Kevin halted as he saw a large figure bounding toward Double D's house. Damn. Ed could be there for hours! Why had he come back? Kevin looked to Nazz, whose arms had crossed, obviously displeased that Kevin was about to leave her side and smiled brightly.

"... to the bathroom... yeah... so you stay here and I'll be right back ok?" Nazz nodded her approval and sat cross-legged on the drive, taking out her mirror and checking her make up was still in tact after her earlier performance. Kevin sighed and ran back to the house, partly glad of the distraction from the blonde, yet also disappointed that he had missed his chance to pounce upon his prey. Hopefully Ed would not be there for very long. Kevin could not afford to leave his next move much longer, both in fear that Double D had already gained the confidence to overpower him as he had obviously overpowered Eddy, and in fear of his own conscience. He needed to strike now, while he knew that he would not back down. He could not let emotions get in the way of what he wanted.

Returning to the front of the house, Kevin sat down next to Nazz and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, causing her to stop fiddling with her hair and turn to him, waiting expectantly for a kiss from the boy she loved. Loved? A pretty ambiguous emotion for someone so young. But Nazz was so sure that the emotion that glazed Kevin's eyes whenever they looked to each other was that of love. Kevin smiled to himself as their lips met. He really didn't have to make much effort when it came to using Nazz as a pawn in his game of rivalry. It was so easy when Nazz was already so talented at only seeing the things she wanted to. She could be so naive.

They parted, just in time for Kevin to see Ed leave the house carrying a large cardboard box filled with brightly coloured papers and pens. As soon as Ed was out of sight Kevin turned to Nazz and grinned apologetically.

"Nazz, I gotta go see Double D... Mechanics stuff, you know... Uh... bye" Kevin lifted himself from the floor and ran in the direction of Double D's back garden before Nazz had the chance to protest. She stared after him, trying to think back to how she had felt moments before Kevin had disappeared, and sighed. No matter what she felt for Kevin, there were always going to be problems, and recently he had sometimes seemed so distant. Pulling herself from the driveway path, Nazz started to walk back toward her own house, deep in thought.

Kevin took a moment to settle his nerves, before swinging open the door.

* * *

_Whoopee! A nice casual breather for Chapter 21, and a cliffy to end on! As always thank you for any feedback I've already received, and a thanks in advance to any more reviews coming my way! I shall return next Sunday (maybe even sooner!) with more kiddies!_


	22. Chapter 22

_Disclaimer - Own nothing but my new sparkly 'Secret Window' DVD -huggles Johnny Depp-_

_A/N - Yup, I'm here again kiddies! Chapter 22, wow... that's a huge number... I have no idea as to just how long this is gonna take to complete... I guess I just gotta go with the flow... Thank you to all the wonderful reviews I have received yet again from you guys, you never cease to put a smile on my face after a long day of college._

_And to be honest, to the people who have flamed me within the last week or so have also managed to make me laugh, because they are so simple minded that I can't help but pity and humor them. For instance, whoever reviewed one of my other fics stating "Slash is gay"... yeah... thanks for that... I'd have had a hard time figuring that out by myself... Funnily enough that review disappeared after a couple of days... hmmm... wonder why...._

_I suppose I could sympathize with people who maybe want a few hetro relationships thrown into the mix, I myself often think that I should write a straight couple fic as I have written so much slash recently - that's fine, and I guess if you put it like that it's kinda constructive, but to say "Why cant anybody write a normal fic where none of the Eds start fg each other as soon as the others back is turned? It's stupid and its sick. there is no room for this idiotic rubbish on thie site. Get rid of it" Is not constructive in any shape or form. Also, I hate swearing. It shows people up to be the Neanderthals that they really are when they can't even stick to constructing a sentence of actual English. I am never, ever going to listen to anything that isn't properly reasoned or just barrages me with a string of swear words. Telling me and the other slash authors to stop writing is just a waste of our time and of yours. Never mind telling ME to get a life 'slash hater'..._

_And as for going to Hell coz slash is not natural.... I'd insult you with wit and intelligence, but I know that it would be wasted on you. Instead, go poke yourself in the eye with a fork..._

_Sorry bout that... I will get onto the fic now... enjoy!_

* * *

**Closeted Secrets**

The door slammed against the wall, sending a loud tremor throughout the room as the boy stormed though, footsteps sounding heavily across the cold stone tiles of the kitchen floor. He stopped moving forward and pressed his fingers to his temples, trying to steady the headache that had pounded through his mind ever since he had woken up after a night of such restless and troubled dreams.

Searching for a packet of painkillers in various cabinets, his eyes finally rested on the large bottle of whiskey that stood on the counter and swept it into his hands. Was it alcohol that got him into this mess in the first place? Maybe, but then it was not alcohol that had caused him to lash out this morning. He pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down, reaching for the glass that still lay on it's side where he had left it last night and poured himself a large drink. A hand ran through the mass of blonde hair that still lay in a tangled mess, he could have afforded no distraction this morning to stop and perfect it, and Ed's hundred year old, paint splattered hairbrush hadn't helped matters much either. He sighed, cradling the glass between his hands before taking a swift drink of the whisky, the bitter sting of alcohol burning his throat and lingering on his breath, reminding him of how he had felt the night before as he sat in that very spot.

Yesterday he had everything, and now... Now he had thrown all of that away.

Lifting the glass before his eyes, Eddy stared into the liquid, looking for the answers he desperately needed. That's all alcohol was right? The answer to all life's problems. He had needed it last night when his nerves were getting the better of him, and now he needed it to help him correct everything that had gone wrong as a result of that. Right?

He set the glass back to the table, before swiftly drawing back his arm and knocking the glass across the wooden surface, sending it sliding off the edge of the table and flying into the kitchen wall. The glass shattered instantly into thousands of glittering pieces which fell to the floor along with the dark liquid that slowly dripped from the wallpaper. He didn't need anything to dull the pain. He was already numb.

A familiar voice echoed through from the back garden as Ed bounded into the room through the already open door.

"Eddy! I got all of the stuff I need to make my comics!" Eddy lifted his head slowly as Ed presented him with the large box that he had been given by Double D.

"Hey, that's just peachy Ed..." Eddy started softly, before giving in to the anger and aggravation that swirled around in this mind. "Now go draw them... at home!" Ed looked hurt for seconds, before his grin brightened once again, apparently forgetting the harsh tones Eddy had just used.

"Can't do that Eddy, Sarah's got the house and won't let me in. I asked Double D, but he said he's doing something secret and can't be disturbed... So I came here!" Ed's loud voice caused no relief for Eddy's headache, but he knew there was no way that he could send him away now, not if he had nowhere else to go.

"What kind of big brother are you? Letting Sarah boss you around like that? Well, anyway, ok you go into the living room and start up... I'll come and help you in just a second" Eddy's voice becoming softer with each word. He felt guilty for shouting at Ed. None of this was his fault after all. Ed pulled the box back into his arms and nodded approvingly before heading to the lounge. He had been taken by surprise by Eddy's offer to help him. Eddy usually left him and Double D to do most of the work, Ed guessed that was just part of being a good leader. But maybe this was just Eddy's way of saying thank you for all the helping Ed had done that morning. After all, now that Double D was happy there would be no more problems.

Eddy watched him leave, glad of the chance to take his mind off everything that had happened. Maybe spending the afternoon with a felt pen covered Ed and an array of brightly drawn comic book monsters was not the best of activities, but at least it was better than lying here alone with only a bottle of alcohol for company.

"Ed! Wait!" Ed halted in the doorway, turning back to face his leader "You say that you went to see Double D?"

"Yep. He gave me this box... cool huh?"

"Yeah Ed, spiffy... But how was he? Was he ok?" Eddy was almost afraid to ask in fear of the answer he might receive. Ed thought for a second, realising that when he appeared at Double D's house he had expected the boy to be completely fine after the return of his hat, but had he been looking close enough? Double D had sounded ok... but then why had he let his bangs fall so purposely around his face, shadowing his eyes. Why had he not looked at Ed once in all the time he was there?

"Um... I'm not sure Eddy... I think he's ok though, he's got friend's like us remember" Ed turned back to the living room, moving out of sight to settle down on the cream carpet with various piece of purple paper. Eddy's eyes stung with the threat of tears. How could Ed be so naive and innocent? How he wished he could go back to that. Back to how things had been before. Before last night, before Kevin's threats. Back when they were children, when their only concern was where the next lot of money was coming from to buy another round of jawbreakers. Eddy sighed, pushing himself up from the kitchen table and following Ed through into the living room. At least now that Ed had distracted him for the afternoon, Eddy knew that there was no way that he could upset Double D even further. Until tomorrow at least, when Eddy would again find the need and the confidence to turn up on his doorstep again.

Until tomorrow Double D would be completely safe from pain.

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_Hooray! Another Chapter added to the mix! and another suspense dealy! yay! And this chapter uses two of my favourite all time words! (namely 'spiffy' and 'peachy') so I'm happy... So, as always, review - or flame if you really want to give me a good laugh - and I shall update soon! (I've got this week off college -does happy dance-, so I might be able to post an extra chapter or so mid-week)_

_Sorry bout my earlier ramblings... but hey... flamers are worth nothing but our pity and our pathos..._


	23. Chapter 23

_Disclaimer - I own nothing except a mass of art homework -sigh-_

_A/N - I'm tired of work, and of thinking, and of stressing... I can't be doing with this much stress... but still – I'm here – finally – and able to type up a new chapter. It has taken me till now to get a few spare hours in to complete this... stress! Argh! Anyway, here is chapter 23, a bit late, but still... Enjoy!_

* * *

**Closeted Secrets**

His back pressed into the wall as he realized that Kevin had backed him into a corner. No other easy escape, not unless he wanted to try and push Kevin away from him - but there was not way that he could do that, he may have gotten stronger since his childhood days, but he could in no way match the strength of the muscular boy who trapped him.

"So... I think it's time for my payment... Don't you?" Chestnut eyes flashed with fire and determination. These things were so much easier during the heat of the moment - things that seemed so difficult when he was back at home, planning and rehearsing them suddenly became so effortless. He closed in on his prey, smiling at the panicked expression that had worked its way onto his face. This is what it was all about. There was no real pleasure in any of his plans, save for this bit.

The thrill of the chase was all that mattered.

"What... What are you going to do?" Double D tried to remain calm, but found it impossible. His voice wavered with every word, hitched with every breath. It felt as though his legs were going to fall away from him at any moment, though maybe that would not be such a bad thing. If he were to slip away, fall into unconsciousness as a result of the panic and the stress that had pushed through his veins for what had seemed like days, at least he would not be here, subject to whatever Kevin was planning.

"Me? I'm not going to do anything, in fact..." Kevin's arm shot out, grasping Double D's shoulder tightly "I'm not even here right now..." His smile widened as he leaned in close, drawing himself further into the boy's cowering form. "At least, that's what you're going to tell anyone who asks..." He lifted his hand from the boy's shoulder, instead using it to grip the side of his cheek, fingers twisting into the stray locks of hair that still surfaced from underneath the hat, His palm resting just beneath his chin, giving him complete control.

Double D took one last step backward, pressing himself even further to the wall, the back of his arm brushing against one of the many smears of jam that Ed had left behind yesterday. Instinctively his attention snapped to the sticky mess that now adorned his arm, looking down to clarify exactly what that substance was, only for his head to be pulled back to it's previous position by Kevin's strong hand.

"I wouldn't worry about a little thing like that if I were you... trust me... by the time I'm finished with you you'll never feel clean again" Double D's eyes widened in shock as Kevin suddenly drew forward, crushing Double D's lips with his own.

Trapped. The only emotion, the only feeling reeling through Double D's mind. The only word that flashed constantly before his eyes. Trapped. Trapped by Kevin's larger body into the corner of his own kitchen, Trapped by the hand that gripped the side of his face, the fingers that had entwined themselves in his hair. Trapped by the rough chill of Kevin's kiss. Memories of the night before, of this very feeling of suffocation that had made it so hard for him to breathe played through his emotions, reminding him of everything Eddy had done. Double D found it easy to despise Kevin for those feelings, so why had he found it so difficult to condemn Eddy?

Kevin's eyes opened as he heard a faint, unintentional whimper from the boy pressed against him Suddenly this wasn't so much fun anymore. He pushed Double D away from him, sending him crashing back into the wall, and quickly turned away, not wanting to reveal the guilt, the remorse that had overcome his features. He could not afford any signs of weakness now.

"That's all... for now. See you real soon..." Kevin hurried from the room, making sure not to give in to his urge to turn back and see just how Double D had reacted. He could not bear to see the pain etched into those emerald eyes, not if he had any hopes of being able to carry on with any of his plans, it would be so much easier if he just left without a second glance.

Double D watched in silence as Kevin walked out of the doorway, finding that he was no longer capable of processing any emotion. He had no tears left to cry, and yet, he could not summon any anger. He just slumped to the floor, watching Kevin's shadow move out of sight through glass eyes.

Emotions usually came so easily to him.

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_And that is where I shall leave it for tonight as I have a huge English essay still to write (yes, fan fiction comes first – then English lit A levels... My priorities are flawless.) I apologize if this chapter seems kinda crappy compared to my usual standards – maybe it's just me and my stress that is making me paranoid... or maybe I just haven't had the time I'd usually have to perfect it. Either way I found this an extremely difficult chapter to write, so please be gentle -looks pleading-_

_I do have another twist to add into this plot – but I'm hesitant to do it – coz it is cruel and nasty, and shows me as being mean to my characters... but it fits so perfectly with the mood of the fic... hmmmm... I'll have to do some soul searching... till next time!_


	24. Chapter 24

_Disclaimer – I own nothing, I profit from nothing, I am nothing…_

_A/N – I'm back! Mwhahaha! Don't ask why, but I suddenly felt that this was the time to bring this fic off its hiatus and continue with it. It's been ages, I know, I apologise, but hopefully this chapter will be worth the wait… As always, many thanks for all reviews, glad to know that people are still reading and enjoying this fic!_

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**Closeted Secrets.**

He said this could make everything better – even though he couldn't really see how.

But after all… They are never wrong…

The coldness surrounded him - even though the heat in the room was almost unbearable. He was breathless, he could feel his chest rise and fall heavily, slowly, clumsily. Effortlessly his fingers relaxed their grip. The object slipped out of his hands.

This was new to him. He'd never felt this before, yet somehow he knew that it wasn't enough to just sit back and wait for the aching in his heart to subside. What is it he'd once heard?

"The only way to release the pain is to wash it all away."

He didn't even realise that he'd been crying until he felt a single warm, wet tear roll slowly down his cheek. It crashed to the floorboards, creating a small pool of sorrow where it fell, he opened his eyes, just enough for him to make out his own blurry reflection – Drowning in his own sadness.

He could remember that day so clearly – which was unusual for him. Usually his memories became confused, mixed up, lying somewhere between reality and his own imaginary world. They had always told him he should pay more attention…

They spoke in that hushed tone – the one that he hated – it always meant that they were trying to hide something from him. They were arguing, even though they were trying to disguise the harshness in their voices. They probably didn't want him to know. That's why they had sent him off to the kitchen to make drinks-of course that's how he knew something was wrong, they wanted him out of the way, and that was why he was pressed to the wall around the corner trying desperately to overhear their quiet conversation. He always made terrible coffee…

"But why? I just don't understand!"

He peered carefully around the corner, careful to make sure he was out of sight of his two friends, to see the taller boy's eyes boring into the blonde, a look of anger perhaps? No, more confused, disappointed maybe?

The shorter boy pulled his arm briskly away from his friend's hand and turned away, facing the doorway. He quickly darted back behind the wall; his friends could not see him. They obviously didn't want him to know about this.

He could still hear the whispered answer of the blonde in the back of his mind. He still held that image.

"The only way to release the pain is to wash it all away"

The sound of metal hitting the floorboards awoke him from his thoughts as the knife landed after falling from his hand. A sort of peace washed over him, but still he felt unsure.

No.

He said this could make everything better.

After all… his friends were never wrong…

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_Ooh… I am evil… I feel so mean writing that now… oh well… Apologies again for the lateness of this chapter – hopefully the next one won't take quite so long to write – Toodles._


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